Worth Sharing

I responded to a friends email earlier and poured my heart into it. After reading it out loud I realized what I said and felt it was worth sharing...

"I know that the years have taken their toll on me. I've been through some nightmare situations the last couple of years. That's sort of what I was trying to tell you as we left the restaurant. I'm pretty messed up right now and distrusting of damn near everyone I know. There are maybe a handful of people left in this world that I still trust. I'm damaged. I know that. And it's nothing against you or anyone else - I just can't trust anyone right now. I need to be able to have my walls and defenses up right now. I need to be able to make myself feels safe. I need to make sure that I'm going to be ok without having to depend on others. I need to work, even as a waitress if necessary, just to feel my own self-worth and pride returning. I've felt useless and worthless for five long months, wondering where my life was going and wishing I had some sort of control. Well now I have back the power to do that, and I'm not going to let go of that. I nearly lost my mind on this one. I need desperately to feel like I'm taking care of myself, like I'm going to be ok, like nobody is going to send me away."