I'm tired of empty promises. It's not the first time I've given up what I had for them, but I can assure myself and the world that it will be the last.
I'm often promised the moon, but in the end the only source of light I'm left with is the light bulb over my head going off, telling me that my idea of how things would be wasn't even close to what they turned out to be.
The moon is fine where it is. I don't want the moon. I don't want money, fame, fortune or diamond rings. What I want is for a promise, one single, solitary promise, to be kept. Until the day that happens, I won't ever believe another one of them.
I am notoriously a optimistic person. I think and act positively, I work hard and I don't give up when things get difficult. I've been through some monsters of situations, lived through several true-to-life nightmares, and yet I keep on going. I've had to start over several times now, and though it's the last thing I wanted to do, here I am doing it again. I loved my job. I loved my home and my friends and family. I gave them all up based on promises I believed. I shouldn't have believed them. Now my life has been reduced to crumbled ashes and I'm left to pick up the pieces, what few there are that remain. Luckily I have two uncles and a handful of friends who care enough about me to help. The more I'm back in Los Angeles, the more I'm realizing that perhaps this is where I belong.
They don't want me to change, these friends and family. They don't make promises they don't intend to keep. They wont send me away to start all over on my own again, with little to no emotional support. They won't ask me to feel sorry for them, and what's even better is they don't feel sorry for me! They want to help, not pitty. I don't need pitty. I need a job. I need money to pay the rent with.
I've been more than fortunate to land on American soil the way I did, with a place to stay for me and the cats, enough money to keep going a week or two and the people around me I need the most right now. The people around me don't promise me the moon. They don't hold my life in the palm of their hands like a yo-yo. They don't pitty themselves for something only they could have changed, trying desperately to make me feel sorry for them. It's my life I need to concentrate on now, not everybody elses. I'm a smart, well trained, optimistic and creative person. I know I will be just fine. I've been in far worse scrapes... but don't expect me to pitty anybody at the moment. I have my own problems to worry about.
Now, off to the dry cleaners. I need my suits cleaned and pressed for any upcoming job interviews I may get.
What I wouldn't give to have my old job back...