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Silly Walks

I GOT THIS EMAIL FROM BILL LAST YEAR AND JUST HAD TO SHARE IT. ENJOY! I CERTAINLY DID!


As you know I was sitting on the couch this morning typing an email to you
about stuff we talked about. As always, it took longer than I'd anticipated so by the
time I sent it off it was nearly 8 and I had to race out to move the car
[because of the street sweepers].

First problem: my right butt cheek had been supported without much comfort
by the center cushion on the couch. You know... the one that's mostly
wood. So when I leapt up to go move the Land Cruiser my right leg was
completely asleep. Just collapsed when I stepped on it. Great. Two
minutes to get the car started and moved and I'm walking like someone from
the Monty Python Ministry of Silly Walks.

Second problem: no shoes. So I silly walk to the bedroom and reach to the
top shelf for my Teva silly sandalshoethingies. Only one there. The right
one, the one I need to put on my sleeping silly walk right foot, is nowhere
to be found. With some searching I locate it on the floor behind the dirty
clothes basket. So I grab it, silly walk to the couch, strap it on my numb
right silly foot, grab my keys, silly walk/silly tumble down the stairs, and
silly walk toward the Land Cruiser. You may recall that the car was parked
all the way at the end of the block at Catalina. So I silly walk the block
to the Land Cruiser, drag my sleeping silly right leg into it and turn the
key. Dead battery. This isn't a problem. I keep a very fancy battery jump
start thingie in the car. Except:

Third problem: The jump starter is in the trunk of the Jaguar where I'd put
it to jump start Linda's car on Sunday. So... I silly walk the
block BACK, get the jump starter out of the Jag and silly walk the block
BACK AGAIN to the Land Cruiser. By this time the circulation is returning
to my leg so the walk isn't quite so silly but I've been slapping my right
butt cheek and massaging the back of my right thigh on all three silly walk
trips down the block and I notice my neighbor walking her dog. I realize
she's been standing there watching me for the entire course of my three lap
silly walk marathon. She smiles at me like she's just realized that her
neighbor may have bodies buried in the garden. I can only think to say:
"good morning", to which she nods, shakes her head and walks off the other
direction with her mutt.

What we've learned:

1) The Great Closet Noise Mystery is solved. Yay! Apparently my shoe
decided to jump off the top shelf and hit the door on its way to its hiding
spot behind the clothes basket.

2) As I believe you pointed out as recently as yesterday, I need to put
some freaking stuffing in the center cushion of the couch.




1 comment:

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