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What I Want


I want a job that will pay the bills.
I want the freedom to come and go as I please.
I want to stop smoking.
I want to be remembered.
I want to be good and kind.
I want the kindness to be returned.
I want friends.
I want a good life.
I want my happiness to continue.
I want my old friend back.
I want for him to have a good life.
I want for him to forget me.
I want him to forgive me.
I want my own car again.
I want to feel like I'm going to be ok.

I have most of those... but there are still a few things missing.

Notice the one thing I didn't list was a relationship. I don't want one. I'm not ready for love or promises or drama or disaster. I've tried that. I don't think it's for me. I wasn't meant to have it I guess. Life goes on without it. I keep breathing and eating and sleeping without it. Though the media would have us believe it's necessary in order to have a full, rich life, I disagree. I miss it, certainly. Was it worth it? Yeah, I think it was at times. Not all the time, but sometimes.

But I'm going to be ok.
I do have love - just not that sort. I have the love of my Aunt and two Uncles and countless friends around the world. I have people who will be a shoulder when I need one, give me a hug when I'm desperate for one and tell me it'll all be ok. I have support and love everywhere. What I do NOT have is drama, jealousy and heartache.

I don't want the world. I don't want the moon. I don't want promises and expectations. I don't want pain and misunderstanding. I just want to be me.




1 comment:

  1. Well I know you are hurt but I hope you don't give up on love. One day someone will appreciate you every bit as much as you do them.


    Also, you will NEVER be forgotten and always remembered by me =)

    *HUGS*

    ReplyDelete

Your comments will need to be moderated before posted, due to recent issues with a cyber-bully and ex-stalker, but I try to get to it as often as possible. If for any reason I feel your comments are vulgar, abusive or attacking, I will block your IP address from commenting further. You will still see all the right screens to make you think you're commenting, but thanks to this new code I have, your comments will never reach me.

Thanks for commenting - I love reading your thoughts!