Darkness loomed over me in the hallway. I'd been leaning against the wall, but my strength was beginning fail me finally. It had been too long, to many days, too little sleep. I was amazed I had survived this long. I had no idea how I would keep going.
The world had gone to Hell outside, and somehow I found myself standing in the hallway of an ex-boyfriends home. It was all but abandoned now. The home once teeming with life and people felt empty; abandoned. Tears burst from my eyes and silent sobs shook my aching, tired body. With my back against the wall dividing the hallway from the kitchen, I began to slide. Slowly at first, my knees finally buckled and I collapsed in a heap on the cold hardwood floor, hugging my knees.
I thought about all the people who had died already as I stared at the wood grain in the floor. I wondered if I would ever again see anyone I knew, or even if I would survive another week. The world was ugly now, people had progressed past killing one another for water into killing one another just to have less competition for survival in the world. I stared at the mud on my shoes and ankles as I asked myself over and over in my mind why it was I had decided to come to this particular location. I knew I wouldn't be welcome there. I knew they would have turned me away if they hadn't been gone already. At one time, I had adopted them as though they were my own family. But that was long ago. I was a stranger to them now - another bit of competition for survival. I was another obstacle, another easy target. I meant nothing to my ex, and I was pretty positive I would mean nothing to the rest of the family. Just another mouth to feed.
But the door had been open and I knew the family was long gone. They had packed up their RV's with the dogs and survival supplies and were gone. They were probably hundreds of miles away by now, avoiding the main roads, searching for isolation, escaping the madness. They were doing what I knew I should have done weeks ago. They had gotten out. And with them disappeared my last inkling of hope that I would survive that night.
I hadn't seen my ex's nephew in a few years, but without looking, I knew it was him. He always towered over everyone at well over 6' tall, and yet he walked with a quiet grace so rare in the noise of the world. His heart was just as tender as his steps, and as he crouched low to put a kind hand on my shoulder, I realized I hadn't known another human's touch in months.
I had no friends or family. I had nobody in the world I could rely on but myself. The only souls I'd known any form of love from were my furry companions - two cats I lived with before everything went to Hell. But here was Jeff, offering a hand of friendship, a touch of compassion and caring in this world where such things had completely disappeared.
I leaned back against the wall, not wanting to look him in the eyes. The relief I felt at knowing there was still kindness and life in this world was too much to keep in. In a maddening moment of great depression and exaltation, I burst into fat cries of joy and sorrow. My lips curled back in a childlike grimace filled with the confusion and pain that came with emotional outbursts. He put his arm around me, I collapsed my head into his shoulder and sobbed great, increasing, hulking, massive sobs. And Jeff, my former boyfriends nephew, did nothing but hold my shoulders and let me cry.
People surprise me.
I was paid a huge compliment today as one of my favorite captains and I stood outside a CRJ900, chatting.
I was flabbergasted. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't even muster a "thank you." Instead I just stood there giggling like a jackass. I tried, unsuccessfully, to steer the conversation away from the subject at hand, but ended up only able to focus on another portion of the same conversation, still focusing on me.
I can't begin to explain how uncomfortable I made myself feel. It wasn't the Captain, it was me. Apparently I still need to learn how to take a compliment.
Only - it wasn't a compliment on something I had achieved. It was a compliment on something I had survived. How do you gracefully take something like that? I was just lucky to survive. I wasn't amazing for having done it. I was just lucky.
But, for what it's worth, thank you.
People surprise me.
Sometimes, I surprise me too.
True story. Happened today.
I had actor Tommy Lister on my flight today. VERY nice guy. Super funny, incredibly friendly - everything I would hope to find in someone who notoriously plays a BAD guy in films.
And at the end of the flight when I threatened to have an insolent jerk removed from the plane in handcuffs if he didn't comply with my requests and stop giving me attitude, Tommy turned around and looked at the guy. He said, and I quote, "Good for you, Baby! I don't know what took you THIS long!!"
The insolent said not a word but cowered in his seat, avoiding the gaze of the 6' 5" former pro Wrestler, who then proclaimed to be my personal body guard.
Imagine that. The President of the Galactic Empire in Fifth Element was my personal body guard today.
Who all can say they had a President AS their body guard!!
Tommy Lister, wherever you are, thank you for making my day!
(By the way, other passengers cheered and applauded when I threatened the use of police for this mans attitude and behavior in general. He really was THAT BAD.)
So don't forget to vote for your favorite redheaded flight attendant! You know, the one who had a famous body guard!