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Try No More




I tried.  Nobody can say I didn't try.

I wrote a letter to my former roommate today, letting her know it was time to stop beating a dead horse, making a spectacle of trying to ignore me and move on.  I did it as nicely as I could... This is what my letter said...


This has gone on long enough.  I can't stay quiet anymore.

I know this won't be kept private.  I know this will likely be shown to everyone you know, and you have every right to do that.  This is your letter, written for you, and it's now your private possession.  You may destroy it, burn it, tear it up, spit on it - whatever you wish.  I'ts yours.  But I wanted you to know...

If I had been prostituting my body out or was only interested in money, I would have just married [my former employer] when he asked me to go to Fiji and Cayman with him.  The honest truth is that I didn't want his money.  What I wanted was someone to love me for who I was - whether they lived in a mansion on the beach or a cardboard box in an alley.  If I had been doing that, you would have known before anyone else - since we not only shared a roof, but a room. I'm a broken person and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, even if they paid me.  Especially if they thought they needed to pay me.

If I had done certain things to you, I would not have remained silent about it.  I would have boldly come forward and said that yes, it was me.  I am not the type to hide.  The fact that your finger is still pointed at me only leaves you more vulnerable to whoever it actually was.  That makes me worry about you. Please take care of yourself.  Find out who this is and press charges.  I won't go into details but the same thing just happened to me, so you're not alone.

I freely admit that I lied to you about having paid off your debt to [my former employer].  That was because you didn't know him as I did and I figured you would be more willing to pay me the money to give to him than you would to him.  I couldn't afford to pay him myself and I needed your help to do it.  I'm very glad to hear from your mom that you have now entered into an agreement with [my former employer] and are paying back the debt now.  I know he appreciates it.  I knew the day we got the loan from him that you would pay him back.  I had total faith and confidence in you that day.  For lying to you, I'm sorry.

I would prefer that neither of us feel we must stop our jobs or whatever we are working on in order to face away from one another in an obvious display of ignoring the other.  I'm not asking you to be my friend or even like me.  Truth be told, I would prefer you not.  I'm not like you - you shouldn't want to be friends with someone like me.  We're two completely different people from two completely different worlds.  That will never change.

But for old time's sake - for the sake of Thursday morning breakfasts at Maratha's on 22nd Street, or the meals at Denny's, the road trip, the adventures, the fun times... lets just go about our lives and do our jobs to the best of our abilities.  [Your employer] needs you.  [My employer] needs me.  Let's stop trying so hard to ignore one another.  I wouldn't mind saying good morning or good bye to you once in a while, just because you're there.  Whatever else either of us may be, we are both human and we both have hearts.

It's been a rough start to the year, and already this year is nearly half over. Lets just let sleeping dogs lie.  Lets bury the dead horse in the ground, not continue to beat it.

Amanda






I folded my letter and put it into an envelope.  From there, I mixed it in with the mail for the Animal Rescue she works at and I left.

When later I returned to my car, I found an envelope on my windshield.

This is what I got in return.





Perhaps that explains why she stops everything she's doing when I walk into a room in order to make a very blatant display of showing me what the back side of her pony tail looks like.  I admit, I feel sorry for anyone on the other side of her when she does that.  All they can see are nose hairs.






15 comments:

  1. I have said it before and I will say it again. From what I know you are a good person. Whatever has happened has defenetly scarred you both. My dearest Amanda please don't doubt yourself one bit. Once again you have shown noble action. Come to peace with this event for it is truly done. People who harbor hatred in ones heart for others honestly gives the person they so despise/hate way to much time and attention. I do not follow a certain religion but that of the rules in which most do and are stated in most of the comandments. When in doubt I have been known to look to Jesus's guide lines to a more pure atmoshpere and life. As long as you stay true to your words I think that is noble as well. Even though your good intentions were met with anger and dismissal, they only stay good intentions if you stand by those words. If they ever feel a change of heart then at least you are still there as you said you were. As I am still learning as we all are. I look forward to seeing Fran's wisdom on this. Letting go does not mean giving up or giving in. Take care

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  2. It is you Amanda that didn't keep this private, not Sage. You told her to do what she wanted with the letter and then because you didn't like how she replied to receiving it, you put this all on your blog. How is that letting sleeping dogs lie? Why is it that you don't publish ALL your comments and have to preview them first and then decide whether they are worthy or not to let the public who follow your blogs see them? The whole idea of making comments is for them to be seen. It wouldn't surprise me if you now blocked me from your site and had your "friends" do so also. I have not done anything to you but let you know that I do care about you and I care about my daughter. The truth eventually will come out of what all this is about and who has done what. If the letter was meant for her alone, why then did you put it all on your blog? Seems vindictive to me.

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  3. Why has it taken you so long to figure out Sage Schmit's true personality?? You are a nice woman, Amanda, but you run the risk of attracting some losers. She has a history of mistreating people and leaving horrible notes for others. Never get on the wrong side of her, as you are finding out. Cut her completely out of your life. Don't keeping apologizing, apologizing. You have moved from that Lawndale sh*thole, so now it is time to move forward and get on with your life.

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    1. Why anonymous? Anyone could write this. Interesting comments.

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  4. Amanda is my best friend I will not deny that. I think I can safely say I know her better than just about anybody. If she had not printed the letter here the blog wouldn't make as much sense. Amanda is trying. I fail to see that effort from Sage.

    The reason some comments are previewed is because we don't need to read some people hitting on her. I think her publishing the comments on her blog stalker proved she has nothing to hide.

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    1. Maybe you need to see some of the things that are going on and where they originate from. We only think we know people no matter how long we have known them or how long they have been in our life. I just wish these two could both just leave each other alone and move on.

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  5. I think I can say as your best friend I know you better than anyone. I can see that you are trying. I don't see Sage trying. There are mutual places that you need to be so it makes sense to try to be civil to each other. But you can only extend yourself so far.

    Judith the reason some comments are modded is because we don't need to read people hitting on her and making other such comments. Her publishing her blog stalker comments proves she has nothing to hide. I don't appreciate you saying otherwise.

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    1. by the way, I have made comments before and they were not published and I certainly was not hitting on her!!!!!!

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  6. Sage would always put on a very friendly face in front of Amanda. In front of other people, she would wear a permanent scowl on her face. She has major anger management issues and is a know-it-all. It's amazing that Amanda has not noticed the negative aspects of Sage's personality. Shrieking, door slamming, leaving nasty notes full of profanity and exclamation marks etc. Amanda and Sage are like chalk and cheese. Amanda is beautiful and stylish (check the animation awards photo) whereas Sage has very little beauty, dresses like a child and walks around belching and talking like a man. She doesn't like you? She will turn your back on you and walk off quickly. Sage is good at trash talking and telling everybody else your business.

    I want Amanda to realize that she deserves the best and I wish her well with her life.

    Sage is not a real friend but a parasite. I just don't want Amanda to end up badly hurt by Sage, and I am hoping that other bloggers will urge her to put this fake friendship behind her.

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  7. I have always had the ability to personally detach myself from situations even concerning people I care for. As a single father of 2 I believe having and learning this ability has better helped me to raise my children in a good old fashioned moral upbringing. Credit needs to go where credit is due. Just like in my first response to this blog which is one of the things I was saying among many others. In following blogs and as well as facebook in the past I have always seen Judie express her care for Amanda. She has never really been short of that expression. Just be carful how you group people. I will be honest when I do say Amanda is my friend! I do care about Amanda! I would see her smile and happy till the end of her days just like I would Patric , Sage and averyone else i have had the pleasure of meeting in this life. The truth will come out eventually? Hell it was there all along. The truth is we have no idea how deep and painful this goes. When one draws a line in the sand that does not require us who are emotionally involved to do that as well. I believe that alone would be a big step backwards as far as caring and being the best friend I could be. With that being said I don't see where a mistake is made here. The letter was given to someone and became thier property to do to it as they saw fit. I commend them for thier honesty and for doing what most of society fail to do. Now in the same token the letter was returned with a response. Now the letter is once again the property of where it originated from therefore allowing that person to do to it as she see's fit. Are these responses these two women have given to a big life changing event within thier own lives the right ones? We don't have the right to make that call. That is up to them. P.S. As my posting on a previous blog stated my feelings on anonymous posting I shall hold my tongue for respect of the Ladies blog, with that being said I want to say I was raised and still live in Lawndale and not only is it the heart of the southbay but its wisdom and grace never stops reminding us that L.A. is not for the weak and fragile.

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    1. amen to this post!!

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  8. Anonymous person - how do you know so much about her? Is this Heather? If so - HOW THE HECK ARE YA?!

    The whole point to writing a blog is for me to share my writings. I would never post anything anonymous. That's just not me. I pour myself into my writings. It's what I do. It's a part of who I am.

    For the letter: When I wrote the letter, I clearly stated that as soon as I gave the letter to her, it was her private possession. Judith, by your logic, the same does NOT apply in reverse? The very second it was given back to me, it became MY private possession to do with as I pleased. She knew that the second she left it for me.

    My only intention I had when posting the letter was to close the chapter on the Pony Tail Chronicles, as I've come to call them. This is the end of that chapter of my life, and every story needs an ending. This is it for me. This was my final effort and try. This was an ADULT attempt at making my workplace more civil and productive, as the letter outlines.

    I monitor the comments I get on my blog because I refuse to allow false accusations, lies, profanity, threats or other idiotic attempts to slander or hurt me in any way. Commenters have accused me of being things I'm not, lying about my past, claiming that every word I have said is false, threatening to come to my home, claiming to know my license plate number (which is funny, since I just got my tags TODAY...) saying they were going to kill me, hurt me, steal my cats, KILL my cats and many other nasty things. They've used profanity and foul language not suitable for my readers. They've attempted to blast me for things I've not done - just as YOU have done - and I won't allow it. It's not a very Christian thing to do, Judith.

    To point a finger is to place blame, judgement and accusation on another. THOU SHALT NOT PASS JUDGEMENT. As a former Nun, you of all people should know and uphold this.

    Where is the proof I've done anything nasty to her? Where is the proof I was the one who did those things to her? Where is the restraining order? It doesn't exist because there isn't proof - because it wasn't me. Judith, your daughter needs counseling in a serious way. She needs to find out who did this to her and she needs to press charges. As long as her finger points at me, whoever it was has total freedom to strike again. I'm pretty sure she's also convinced you that I'm the one who called the authorities on her boss for something that wasn't true. Believe me, I of all people know what can happen to a person for filing a false report with authorities. My ex-fiance of 3 years was a Highway Patrol Officer. I heard about it all the time. Some of my closest friends have been Police Officers, Sergeants and Lieutenants.

    I will not comment further on this blog, but other comments are welcome. I will NOT turn off the moderation of blog comments for the reasons outlined above - but anyone and everyone is welcome to weigh in on this thread - ESPECIALLY those with an outside view point.

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  9. Yes, it is me. I mean you no harm. The reason why I visited your blog is because I always felt that Sage would treat you the same way she treated me. I thought it would only be a matter of time before you got the cold shoulder and the nasty note. She was always stealing my stuff, shouting at me, calling me names, accusing me of things I hadn't done etc. I was very concerned about my personal safety when Sage and Chris were around. When Chris gave me 30 day notice to quit, I actually made a point of carrying my cellphone around with me at all times, in case I had to call the police. I threatened to take legal action against Sage but the lawyer I spoke to wanted a lot of money. The last straw was when I discovered my car had a flat tire in the last week and the tire company said that there was a nail in it. Now, I am not accusing anybody of doing it deliberately, but it was an amazing coincidence that it happened when it did. When I finally quit Lawndale, Chris threatened me with physical violence. He warned me that he had ties to the Mob and he would send them after me. Chris was a horrible man, a horrible human being. He was overcharging us on rent and utilities. He was a misogynist, absolutely hated women. He and his friends were always calling you a prostitute behind your back, and it was helped by the fact that Sage was talking about you behind your back, she was telling them everything about your private life.

    Trust me, the best thing that ever happened to you was that fact that your "friendship" with Sage is over and the fact that you have quit that awful house with it's awful inhabitants.

    I have a place of my own and I am happy, I wish I had moved to an apartment of my own in the first place.

    I hope everything works out for you.

    Heather

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  10. Heather, I'm really glad to hear from you. You know there was never any bad blood between us. I thought you were kinda cool - and that's saying something after having been so traumatized in the UK. Normally the UK accent sends chills down my spine like nails on a chalkboard these days, but you never did.

    How did you find my blog???

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  11. Gosh, I forgot to follow up on this thread but every once in a while I will Google the names of people I remember and that's how I came across your blog. I would check in now and then because I knew it would only be a matter before Sage and/or Chris would blow up at you. I absolutely hated living with them and I was concerned with your welfare.

    Most British people are decent but it is always the bad eggs that are ruining it for everybody else.

    Anyway, when it comes to life, put the past behind you and look to the future.

    H

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Your comments will need to be moderated before posted, due to recent issues with a cyber-bully and ex-stalker, but I try to get to it as often as possible. If for any reason I feel your comments are vulgar, abusive or attacking, I will block your IP address from commenting further. You will still see all the right screens to make you think you're commenting, but thanks to this new code I have, your comments will never reach me.

Thanks for commenting - I love reading your thoughts!