The Wheel that Guides Me

I have to admit that I had my heart broken many times. Although, I've also done a lot of heartbreaking. I do strongly believe in karma these days, and if that's the case, it's no wonder relationships haven't seemed to really work out for me. 

I've met some interesting people, I have fallen in love, and I have walked away. I've stood nose to nose with those I fear and told them I wasn't afraid. I've cowered down before those I did not fear only because I feared myself.   I stood up for myself, and I haven't.   I have fought for myself and I haven't.  I have fought to get what I wanted, and refused to fight in order to keep it. 

NO MORE!! If the men and women of our Armed Forces can go and fight for our right to live as we do, the least I can do is fight to keep what I have. 

I recently met a really great guy.  I don't know if there's a future.  It's too early to tell. But if there is a possibility, he is worth fighting for. I don't know if he's found my blog yet or not, but if he has, maybe he's reading this now.   Maybe he knows I'm talking about him.  Maybe he will send me a text message to ask if its him I'm talking about. In the back of his mind he will already know.  And he will know by reading this that I think he's worth fighting for. 

I used to put all of my hopes and dreams into every relationship I was in.  Early on we would discuss the future and our dreams together.  After so many times of being so broken, I stopped thinking about my future as being a possibility for more than just me. I went from putting all of my hopes and dreams into a "happily ever after" to putting all of my focus into learning how to be alone. For the last several relationships, I saw no future.  I saw no possibilities. I even discussed that with some of my friends.   So, when those relationships ended, no one was surprised. They may have been surprised at HOW they ended, but not THAT they ended. In essence, I went from one extreme to the other.

Now, I don't know what the future holds. I'm not planning on putting all of my dreams into somebody else, but I'm also not planning on fighting the good fight for the rest of my life completely alone.  I don't know what will happen. But I'm willing to go along for the ride. I'm willing to see where it takes me. 

I've always been a planner. I've always planned several steps ahead.   Apparently life doesn't work that way. That was a really hard lesson to learn. But it's worth learning, if it means there is still hope for each of us out there. There is still hope that each princess will find her prince. There is still hope that each maiden will find her knight. But there is also the never ending question of what to do if we end up all alone in the end. 

I've been face-to-face with a few surprises lately, one of them was a rather big surprise that I took in my stride.  But that one big surprise taught me multiple valuable lessons all at once.  These are lessons I thought I had already learned, but apparently I needed a refresher course. And what a refreshing reminder it's been. I have loved every second of it.  

So I won't plan to find the future, and I won't plan on having one alone. I'm going to go along for the ride and enjoy the ride as I do. That's what life is truly about, and so far the surprises I've had only increased the value of my life. Lets just see where it goes. 

After all, I'm not the one steering the vehicle. Those aren't my hands on the wheels. ;)