No Beauty Here

The following definitions were taken directly from dictionary.com today. After you've had the chance to go through them, I'll explain to you why I do not see myself as pretty.

pretty adj. prettier, prettiest
1). Pleasing or attractive in a graceful or delicate way.
2). Very bad; terrible: in a pretty predicament.
3). Considerable in size or extent: a pretty fortune.
4). Ostensibly or superficially attractive but lacking substance or conviction: full of pretty phrases.
5). To a fair degree; moderately: a pretty good student.


First of all, the girls that were referred to as pretty when I was in school fit one or more of the definitions on a daily basis. I, however, never really conformed to any of these definitions. Shall I explain?



1). Pleasing or attractive in a graceful or delicate way.

First of all, I'm far from graceful. I've been told by many people that I was the clumsiest person they had ever met. Graceful is defined as showing grace of movement. I dont think you can call someone who trips going UP the stairs a very graceful person. I trip over my own feet, whether I have shoe laces dangling on or not. I'm also pretty much a tomboy.

Second, I'm not exactly delicate. I admit, I may have a few delicate features, but I am not delicate. Delicate is defined as frail in constitution or health. I'm actually about as healthy as a horse, and not at all frail in construction! If you're looking for another definition, we could always go with easily broken or damaged. I'm neither of these things. If you've read any of my previous blogs, you know this about me already. I'm actually extremely durable, and have learned to NOT break or damage easily. Actually, rather than a porcelain sculpture, I'm more like a rubber ball. I bounce back pretty quickly! The dictionary.com site goes on to say that the word can also be defined as marked by sensitivity of discrimination. Also not me. I'm numb to being discriminated against. It's happened too often. Requiring tactful treatment? FAR from me Treat me like one of the guys and I'm as happy as I can be.



2). Very bad; terrible: in a pretty predicament

I believe this one to be pretty self explanatory. I don't believe that anyone here can say that I'm very bad (unless you know me better than I thought). But I'm certainly not terrible!



3). Considerable in size or extent: a pretty fortune

I think this one is also pretty self explanatory. I'm not a very big girl. I mean, I'm only a whole 5'6" tall and the shortest person in my family. I'm fairly small about the middle, have basically no chest to think about, and (the way I see it) I dont have a bubble butt, so there is nothing about me that is of a considerable size or extent.



4). Ostensibly or superficially attractive but lacking substance or conviction: full of pretty phrases.

I would like to think that I'm far from superficial. I believe I DO contain both substance and conviction. In fact, I have so much substance that I cant seem to fit it all into the one book I wrote! I instead have had to start another one. Conviction is defined as a fixed or strong belief. Conviction? Ask anyone who knows me well and they can tell you just how much conviction I have.



5). To a fair degree; moderately: a pretty good student.

I have to say that this one probably gets to me the most. I've worked very hard to not be "moderate" at anything. I'm a pretty tuff cookie. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it! If I am going to try to do something, Im not going to give up on it until I get it right. I'm a borderline perfectionist. There is not an option for me to do things to a "fair" degree. It's all or none.


So here it is. These are the reasons I don't see myself as pretty. I see the overall term as more of an insult than a compliment. Now if you said I was beautiful .....


beautiful adj.
adj 1: delighting the senses or exciting intellectual or emotional admiration; "a beautiful child"; "beautiful country"; "a beautiful painting"; "a beautiful theory"; "a beautiful party" 2: aesthetically pleasing 3: (of weather) highly enjoyable; "what a beautiful day."



In my own eyes, the only beauty I possess is in the creativity I exude. No, I see no beauty when I look in the mirror. What I see is much more precious to me than that. I see my creative side, the happiness I feel, the smile that so many people find contagious, and my everlasting zest for life. I see that I am unique. That's more important to me. I may never see myself as a "beauty"... but I will appreciate what I see anyway, because what I see is personality.


HOWEVER - To have my face cradled in the hands of a handsome man who looks deep into my eyes, staring straight into my soul, tell me with honest and sincere intention that I'm beautiful... well, there's no greater compliment on the face of the Earth.

First Date

I've had a lot of first dates in my history, most of which didn't make it to a second date. It's hard to find a stable, drama free guy.


One guy ended up seeing me for a while, constantly charming me, flirting, teasing, dancing and dining. When finally after many months we took it to the next level he made a disastrous comment immediately after kissing me.


"I think you like me more than I like you," he said calmly. He was cool - no, strike that. He was cold. The whole thing had been a game for him. When I laughed at him, it really blew him away. He didn't know how to take it. He thought I was angry at him. Had I been angry, there would have been no doubt - I would have torn his head off. It upset him greatly that I wasn't actually angry at him I think. I laugh it off as one of the all time biggest relationship failures.


I once had a man propose to me on a first date. With my history of first dates, I knew he had a screw loose and played it off as a joke. I gave him an easy way out that way, and yet he didn't take it. He insisted that he was serious. He claimed that I was the "perfect woman" and he already knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. At the conclusion of that date, I gave the wrong address and walked a full three blocks home from where I had told him I lived.

Another first date once took me to a buffet style dinner where he proceeded to gorge himself in the most ungentlemanly fashion imaginable. By the end of the date, there was a full meal splayed down the front of his shirt. At that point I had already learned my lesson about meeting somewhere rather than riding together.

In High School, one of the popular boys asked me out on a date one night. I had been working at Wendy's in Roy, Utah at the time and he had apparently admired me from afar. He didn't know that I didn't fit the mold of what his family deemed a proper girl to him (mainly due to my religion unfortunately) and we had a glorious time anyway. We played miniature golf, watched an old Disney movie with a group of people where I fell asleep, and then he drove me home. I kissed him on the cheek before I got out of the car, and floated on air all the way to bed. The next day at school, he wouldn't even say hello to me. Someone had told him about my religion. He never spoke to me again.

I've had first dates that would go down in the record books as being some of the most horrible. One openly gawked at a passing woman with a large chest. One tried to slip a drug into my iced tea. One actually tried to put a drop of acid in his mouth and then kiss me without my knowing about it. He almost didn't survive the night.

I've had some very nice first dates as well. One guy showed up with a dozen red roses and a pencil drawing he did of me from a photo. It was sweet and romantic - and I eventually married him. Another took me dancing, also a very romantic move. Unfortunately he didn't really know how to dance and ended up sending me home with bruised feet. We were together for 2 years. Yet another took me to a beautiful restaurant in Beverly Hills called Vibrato and got a seat reserved right near the Jazz band where we dined on incredible steaks accompanied by dirty martini's, just the way I like it.

With all of these First Dates under my belt, one would think I would be an expert in the field - but there are those who have still taken me by surprise.

One first date in particular stands out in my mind above all others for some reason... A noisy restaurant isn't exactly the best place for a first date, but the food was good and the view was spectacular. Afterward we decided to go for a stroll. Walking along the beach in the dark, 10:00 at night just talking with someone I hardly knew turned out to be a wonderful night and an evening to remember. It's the little things I remember most; the sand between my toes, the ocean waves lapping at the shore, talking about surfing, going to Hawaii, being burried in the sand, odd family members and just life in general made that night the most successful first date in my history. There was nobody stomping on my feet or a Jazz band to shout over. There weren't any buffet lines, hidden drugs, sneaky idiots or marriage proposals. It was what I had always wanted - a NORMAL first date with a wonderful person.

There are many events that have happened in my life that I can swear I will never forget for as long as I live. I've forgotten most of the horrible first dates, and I remember most of the good ones. There are those that will live in infamy within the recesses of my mind though that will always make me smile, just with the mere thought of them. And as you all know, I do love to share my fond memories.