"The only thing in love that matters are the first moments of arousal and intense pleasure that follows."
-Anonymous Friend.
I got this very interesting thought in my emails a couple of years ago from someone I respect, admire, and trust. It's given me much to think about.
The first feelings of love are those that overwhelm us and blind us to all of our other senses. The fight or flight instinct is gone in those first few moments. Casanova was said to have many lovers, but only one love. Romeo and Juliet looked at one another across the room, and it was love at first sight. They forgot for a moment all of the family rivalry issues between their namesakes. Did things loose their spark or passionate energy after those first few moments? For Casanova, perhaps that was the case, for no woman could ask a man such as him to be faithful. For Romeo and Juliet, perhaps that was true as well, for they lasted not long after that first encounter. The love and passion they felt for one another consumed them until death, however.
What of it for me then?
I am the exception to many rules, as Ive said before. I believe that the first moments of arousal and that intense pleasure that follows are very important to a relationship, and if the relationship is a good, healthy one, this very moment can happen often, sometimes several times in a single day. The two fall into each others arms, consumed by their passion for one another, and completely loose themselves in the moment.
I imagine that's the way it will be when I can finally have an unbridled amount of time with the one I find myself thinking about night and day. He fills my mind and heart night and day, and consumes more of my senses than I ever thought a single person could. What would those first moments of freedom together be like if there was no place we needed to go, nothing we needed to do? Would we be consumed by that sexual adrenaline for merely an hour? Would we feel just as much passion if not lying naked on the top of rumpled covers together? Is it possible to feel that same passion, longing, and devotion if only sitting on a couch together watching a sappy old movie? How about if we were holding hands as we walked along a dirt path in the green hills on a cool spring morning?
I know I would feel that way about my mate as we walked along in a crowded shopping mall around Christmas time, barely able to hear one another over the children shouting at the first signs of the fat man in the Santa costume. Would he feel the same way? From everything I know I desire in life, he most certainly would. THAT is how I will know that he is the one I've looked so long and hard to find.
No, I think more than the first moments of arousal and intense pleasure are important to me. I believe its the very sense of knowing that the person you love is also your best friend. Its knowing that even blinded by age, deafened by time, and crippled by long existence, the one you love will still love you passionately.
Have you ever seen the movie "The Notebook"? That's how I envision it to be the last moments in life,... and in love.
In 1991 a funny but poignant movie by the name of City Slickers was released in theaters nation wide. It made people laugh, it made people cry, and others were made to think about life in general. We all go through moments in our lives when we reinvent ourselves. The main characters in the movie tried to do this by having affairs with Grocery Store cashiers, running from two ton beasts with horns attached to their heads, trying their hands at being a cowboy, and learning what it means to do the right thing by finishing what you start.
Jack Palance's character, Curly, had a line in that movie that has resonated in my mind for many years. He was speaking to Billy Crystal's character at the time. He held up one finger and told him something I never forgot. The entire sceen is below, embedded from youtube.com for you to see.
So what is that "one" thing? Curly was right, it really is different for all of us. For Billy Crystal, he discovered what that one thing was. Curly never told what his was, but it was obvious even in this scene that he had already discovered his own. I think that was because Jack Palance himself identified with the character.
Jack Palance had discovered that one thing early on in his life. It wasn't the ability to act or having a career in Hollywood. Jack Palance was a Heavyweight Boxing champ, winning his first 12 matches by TKO. His boxing career ended with the beginning of WWII though, and after he was wounded in combat, he received the purple heart, good conduct medal, and the World War II Victory Medal. He never watched any of his own movies. He spoke 6 languages including Ukrainian, Russian, Italian, Spanish, French and English. He was a graduate of Stanford University. He had a cattle ranch with over a thousand head of cattle and yet was a vegetarian. He was a painter and a published author, and the father to three children. Jack Palance had peace of mind. That was his "one" thing.
Having peace of mind isn't easy to accomplish. It's not for the lazy or reckless. It's not for the judgmental, the selfish, the mentally weak or the physically strong. Peace of mind comes only to those who have obtained the peace of heart.
There are those out there who would disagree with what I'm about to share, and those who may agree with it. There are also those out there who may learn something, so please continue to read if you have an open mind.
The way I deal with stress is unusual to most. That is my "one" thing, the way I handle situations. That directly relates to my secret to life - less stress.
If something is bothering me to the point of feeling stress, I sit back and think rationally. If I can fix the situation causing stress, I stop worrying and fix the situation. Then I don't have a reason to stress. If I can't fix the situation, then I stop worrying because it's out of my hands and I move on to the next situation that I can fix and I don't stress. Life has managed to throw one curve ball after another at me and either I step up to the plate and knock it out of the park or I step aside rather than let it hit me in the face.
Patience is key. To sit back and breathe a moment helps me to clear my mind. I can feel the immense stress leaving my body with each breath I let out. I know right now that I have a trip that I can't wait to go on. Rather than wish the time to go by faster, I resolve myself to understand that the time will pass on its own. If I rush the time, I may miss out on the richness of day to day life that so much deserves to be lived. If I'm stuck in a moment that I would prefer to go by faster, I take a breath, let it out slowly, and think rationally. This will pass. This will not last. All things in life are fluid and constantly changing. I have lived through some of the hardest trials a person can endure and came out the other end a stronger and more determined person than ever. I can survive anything at this point, so why would I rush my way through things? I may miss out on an important moment that could change my life as I know it if I went through life rushing this way and that, not paying attention to the little details - the way the rose petals bend under the dew or the way someone's facial expression changes just by smiling at them.
When someone tries purposely to upset me, I turn off the negative emotions. They never did me any good anyway. I think calmly and rationally. In many cases, if the point was to upset me, the only thing it does is upset the pursuer. I make it obvious that they are not able to raise my blood pressure and that angers them more. The more calmly I state the facts with a slight smile on my face, the more angry they get, the more I find it humorous that I've once more succeeded in winning the argument by not arguing. They may grow as angry as they like to the point of yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs and yet I will remain stationary with a slight smile on my face. If I can fix the situation, I will. If I can't then I won't worry about it.
People confuse this rational side of me with coldness; contemplative, calculating cruelty. That's not it at all... it's patience. To be patient is to rule your own world. I'm such a never ending patient person that I would rather be an hour early for something than have anyone wait 5 minutes for me. I am more patient than most and don't mind waiting. Because of that near phobia of being late, I've only ever been late twice in my life... once was to deliver my son. He was a few days overdue when he was born.
Patience and rationality have provided me with the control over my own life that I've searched for as long as I can remember. Even the moments of removing myself emotionally in order to think rationally about a situation can be contributed to patience. Some people think I'm too young to know what my "one" thing is, but I know already. It's different for everyone, but my "one" thing is patience. Through patience, all things are possible.
"One of the most important reasons for living is to do something - live outside of yourself and put together an idea, an idea that you want to explore and then complete... Awaken your creative sensitivities!"
