Plans

Perhaps it's just me and my way, but when I tell one story 12 times I grow tired of it... especially if it's a story I'm not too keen on telling in the first place. I plan to combat that before people start asking me what the 'plan' is. What's going to happen from here? Well, I plan to leave us all with a few thoughts on a simple theme, by telling all what was said by others on that very matter...

"Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action."
Napoleon Hill

"Plans are only good intensions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work."
Peter Drucker

"Bire off more than you can chew, then chew it. Plan more than you can do, then do it."
Anonymous.

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood... Make big plans, aim high in hope and work."
Daniel H. Burnham

"In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable."
Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"

"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do, doesn't mean it's useless."
Thomas A. Edison

"Plans change."
R Armstrong

"He who every morning plans the transaction of the day and follows out that plan, carries a thread that will guide him through the maze of the most busy life. But where no plan is laid, where the disposal of time is surrendered merely to the chance of incidence, chaos will soon reign."
Victor Hugo

"Life is what happens when soemthing else is planned."
A. Montgomery

And one final thought from yours truly... when I'm ready to tell everyone what the plan is, I will. Until then, please feel free to go about your daily life and forget about what's going on over here on the blog spot. There's no doubt that when I'm ready to share the story it will end up here. If you found this post, you'll find the next, and the next after that. The story will come, and without doubt, you will read it. By then changes will have come and gone, and plans may or may not be fulfilled. Time will tell.

One thing is for certain - the plans made are private. When it's openly and undisputedly agreed that it's a wise or good idea to share the 'plan' then it will be. For now, it's on a "need to know" basis. This isn't meant to be a rude or unfeeling remark. I thank everyone out there for continuing to read my blog. Not a soul out there has offended me by asking what's going on or by caring about what happens or has been happening. I just feel the desire to reassure everyone that there is, at least, a plan. I'm not at liberty to share that plan as of yet, but I will.

Things will be better than ever. I will be stronger and wiser than ever. The sun will shine and the birds will sing and the world will continue to revolve around the sun in the Milky Way galaxy snuggled safely within the vast Universe. My life and this blog are less significant than a speck of dirt in the overwhelming, boundless, infinite measure of all that exists. Remember that. Live your lives, as I do mine - fearless and full of hope for a future complete with personal success, andventure and happiness.

The Valley of Death

Sometimes the only thing that pulls me through a rough patch is my writing. I have so many stories to tell and so much to say to the world. My life on this planet can't be over with until I've managed to share my stories. It keeps me going and focused. If I ever run out of stories to share, perhaps then I would be ok with no longer being on this Earth. Until then, I have a lot of work to do.

It sounds a little light hearted, and maybe even a bit determined - but it needs to sound that way for my own sake.

I've had a long, hard road over the past 15 years of my life. I've had struggles since the begining, far longer than the past 15 years, but the past 10 years in particular have seemed like I'm loosing the battle on an uphill climb. Each time I think I may come to the crest of the mountain and finally accomplish something worth while, some stone under my foot that I was depending on to keep me up comes tumbling down the mountain and I along with it.

I've thought a few times about just tossing myself off the mountainside when my footing gave way near a rather trecherous cliff. Sometimes I would reach for a tuft of grass and regained my footing stronger than before, making the climb with a new feeling of determination and drive. A few times people have wandered by and pulled me up a few feet before sending me on my own once more. A few cruel souls have offered a hand and when I reached for it, withdrew.

Other times I've stood there on the brink of the cliff, looking down the slopes at what could easily have been my fate. I stand there and wonder why I didn't continue to slide, right over the edge and to the valley of death below.

Tonight I stand on the cliff side, looking down into the great chasm that could claim my life if I allowed it to. I know there is a reason I am still standing here on my feet, but for the life of me at times I don't know what that reason is. Now is one of those times.

Why am I here? What have I accomplished in my life? What is there left for me to do that is so important that I must endure so much pain along the way? They say that which does not kill us only serves to make us stronger. God, I can't be much stronger than I have been in the past, and I'm loosing strength now. I have friends that are offering me a hand to step away from the brink of disaster, but this time is different. I'm numb. I can't feel their hands reaching for me. I hurt. My legs don't want to continue standing on their own. I'm blinded by tears that have been just under the surface for so long.

As I stand here looking down, I wonder to myself how I would ever explain the thoughts going through my head, the pain I'm feeling, the hopelessness I've fought against time and time again only to be faced with it again. I'm standing between a cliff and a brick wall - and for once I can't break through it.


I long to feel loved. No, it's more than that - I NEED to feel loved. I need to feel arms around me that care and love me no matter what it is I've done or what I'm going through. I can't break down this brick wall in front of me on my own anymore, I don't have the strength for it this time. I need help. I need someone to tell me it's all going to be ok while I cry on their shoulder.

In a conversation just yesterday someone told me that they worried about me because I am the kind of person to take care of everyone else first. It's as if I'm always last in my own book because I don't need it as much as everyone else does. Here I have a sick friend who needs me and I am AFRAID of going to them because I'm AFRAID I couldn't handle any more bad news. One more piece of bad news could be the rock under my foot holding me to my ground at the moment. If that gave way, there would be nowhere to go but down - and it's a long way to the bottom.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of straining and struggling. I'm tired of taking care of everyone I love and care about, only to be forgotten.

I'm still here! I'm on the other side of this brick wall! I can't get through - it's separating me from the rest of the world. I fear the bottomless pit beside me, but what if that's all there is left for me?

So I cry.
So I scream out in agony and pain.

Where are you? Scotland, I'm so sorry...

Please, just someone, anyone, REMEMBER ME.
Please ... just, don't forget about me ... when I'm gone.