Friends in the Wind

I lead a lonely life these days. It didn't start out that way by design, but rather became that way over time. The most I interact with people these days is online through Facebook and my blog. It seems I've even let go of Twitter and Myspace over the past year, posting on Flickr only once in a great while.

At one time, I had MANY friends that I would see on a regular basis. These days my time is spent very much alone unless I'm working. Even then I'm solo, since I only have employees here and no equals. It's a lonely job, and I do it sometimes 6 and 7 days a week. When I'm not working, I'm alone at home, messing around on the computer, planning events out that take place 6 months from now or watching TV and cleaning house.

I've loved and lost many times over. I've had dear friends come and go in and out of my life like a breeze through the leaves of a tree.

Brandon and I were pretty close for a while. I told him things I'd never been able to tell people before. He was at one time my very best friend and I probably wouldn't have been able to eat several times if not for him. Several years ago I threw a dinner party and he stood me up. I was rather angry at him for a while, but our friendship endured. This year, he finally wrote me off because I was too busy to communicate with him because of my job. He will never speak to me again.

I miss Brandon.

I drove to Vegas to stay with my parents one time when they brought their motor home down for the weekend. It was the half way point for us, so I decided to drive up and visit. Pete had to work that weekend, since he had signed himself up for over time, and so I was solo. We rented a car and I was on my way. On the way back home, I got a hold of Cal and let him know I was driving through town. We had a quick lunch before I was gone again. Pete forbid me from ever seeing Cal again. I've not seen him since that last visit several years ago. I just haven't been able to get back to Vegas for a visit. We had been friends for years at that point.

I miss Cal.

Jenna is the worlds greatest bar tender. She worked at Puka Bar in Long Beach, CA. I used to see her every now and then when I was in the mood for a Tiki Drink. She knew how to make my most favorite drink in the world (I'll spare you the name, it's rather vulgar) and apparently it was something a friend of hers invented... so I'll never find another bartender that knows how to make it. Last time I went to Puka Bar, I was told Jenna no longer worked there and they didn't know how to reach her.

I miss Jenna.



Jesse and I knew one another in the 7th grade. He was the first boy I ever danced with at a big dance. In High School we were an item and later on he took me to Jr. Prom instead of his girlfriend (much to her surprise). One day as I drove through Cedar, Utah, he called me. I don't know how he knew, but he knew. "Turn around," he said. "I'm only 10 minutes behind you." We met at a gas station and talked for hours. It delayed my arrival at my parents house for my brothers 30th birthday, but I wouldn't have traded a second of that for anything in the world. Jesse and I have been very close friends for many, many years - once I finally found him after school. For a long time I had believed him to have passed away. I was overjoyed to find him standing with me in that Beaver gas station the day this photo was taken.

I miss Jesse.




Keira and I met a year ago at Twestival, where we both volunteered our time and services just so we (as very poor girls) could get in without tickets. It worked, and we became fast friends. We went to see Zombieland together at the theater some time later on to catch up on what had been going on in our lives and then went to Norms after dinner where this photo was taken. She's since moved to San Fran and it's just not the same around here without her.

I miss Keira.



Eddie and I had the same last name in High School. People used to think we were brother and sister. He always took care of me as though I were his little sister. Nobody messed with me if Big Brother Eddie was around, and back then everyone liked to pick on me. When I was down on my luck a year and a half ago, Eddie even helped me to get a job. He's a great big brother.

I miss Eddie.



Lisa was my first friend in Utah when we moved there. It was half way through the 7th grade year and I was miserable. We used to eat lunch together all the time and have sleep overs on the weekends. Lisa's house was the only place I was ever allowed to spend the night on a school night. At one sleep over, she talked in her sleep about a lady who had her face painted white and had glued nuts to her face. I never forgot that moment.

I miss Lisa.



Russ was always the shortest kid in our class. He hit a late growth spurt and turned out to be a remarkably handsome man. He even married an amazingly beautiful young lady (the girl in red) who's name escapes me. One time in shop class (7th grade) Mr. Breen picked up Russ by the shoulders and placed him squarely in the big Rubbermaid trash cans. Then he fastened the lid over him and the class laughed. Even Russ laughed. I didn't know until our High School reunion that his feelings were actually very much hurt by the incident and he never really liked Mr. Breen after that.

I miss Russ.



Lauretta sat next to me in English one year. We would spend the entire class writing notes back and forth. She was such a sweetheart.

Remember Jesse (above)? When he took me to Jr. Prom, I talked Shannonn into going with a friend of his so that we could all go together. Shannonn had a miserable time with Dustin if I remember correctly, but she and I had a great time together. That's all that matters.

I miss Lauretta and Shannonn.

Martha was the Office Mascott. She was a Chilean Fire Spider - a fancy sort of tarantula the boss brought to work. Martha was cool, but her owner was the cats meow. He took good care of his employees and taught me all about the job. I wouldn't be here today were it not for everything the man taught me.

I miss RJ and Martha.



David was an unusual friend. He had an ego the size of the moon and a temper to match. We knew one another as kids that frequented the same car shows on the weekends. We lived in the same town in California, but didn't know it. We knew one another when I worked at Circuit City as head of Loss Prevention and didn't know it. It took us meeting yet again in Utah 12 years later to understand fully - I had been David's first kiss at 13 years old. He wasn't my first kiss though...

I wish I could say I missed David...

Michael is the single most talented photographer I've ever known in my life. He does amazing things with a camera and sees the world in a light the rest of us aren't familiar with. He's brilliant and sweet, loyal to his friends and those he cares about, and lived about a 6 hour drive away. I don't see Michael anymore, but I miss the days we would hang out and the times he used to visit often.

I miss Michael.



Doug is one of the most tallented blues musicians alive. He's learned from and studied under the greats. He also has more stories than I have about his youth and years searching for his place in this world. He's fascinating to me, and one of the greatest inspirations behind my blog. I've not seen him since I ran into him by accident in 2006 in a Best Buy.

I miss Doug and his music.

I have a friend that will be with me when all the others have long since forgotten all about me though. He was with me when I moved multiple times. He kept me company when I was robbed of everything I owned. He dried my tears when I didn't know what I was crying about. He's kissed me gently awake in the mornings. He's greeted me each night when I come home from work. He's always been there for me since he was only 5 weeks old and somehow my life wouldn't be the same without him.

He's my boy Oliver... and I'll miss him like crazy until I see him again, only an hour from now. The longest we've ever been separated was for the 10 days I was in Scotland. He needs me... and I need him. Sure, he's just a cat to some people. But to me, he's the reason I fought to survive several times. He's even the reason I managed to do so a couple of times. I love my Oliver.

I do miss my friends. I'm hoping they miss me too, but I'm not too sure. Brandon make a good point when he said that I was too busy for him. Maybe I've been to busy for my friends. Maybe my friendships have been pushed to the side in the name of prosperity and survival. That doesn't change the fact that I miss them all like crazy though. I love each of them. I miss them all.

Perhaps it is not that they are the leaves blowing through my life, but rather I am the wind, never staying in one place long enough to know each curve to the stones or every scent of the bakery. Perhaps the wind needs to stop twisting like a dust devil and find a place to take a long needed rest. It's time the wind found a home.