All content copyright 2014 Woodpecker Tales LLC. All Rights Reserved.


I've got a great voice. It's no secret that when I speak, people usually snap to attention. I have a command presence to accompany it. When it comes to public speaking, I'm a natural. I always have been. So it's no surprise when I try to get the attention of a dozen or so giggling teenage girls acting silly, they all pay attention in no time.

Rarely do I have to raise my voice at anyone for any reason. Having raised my voice a few times in the past, the people who have ever heard it know not to stand to close to me when I do it for fear of going deaf. One simple word at a louder-than-usual volume and anyone within 100 yards will turn to look. That one word, you may be asking, is "OI!" that's it, plain and simple. I got that from Jodie's mom.

My first day on the job more than two years ago now in the Security industry, my boss was explaining things in detail to me. It happened to be the day I met Chandler, who would later have a great influence over my life in general and inspired the quote I live by, "There are no excuses, there are only solutions."

Rob, my new boss, took me out after my brief encouter with the tap dancing Grizzly bear named Chandler. Kids were everywhere, screaming and throwing things, play fighting, real fighting, making messes and chasing adults away from the shopping center. He was explaining to me how people who worked for him were to handle situations like that when one of the kids flicked a spoon full of ice cream right on his pant leg. It slowly slimed its way free and plopped on the toe of his boot.

"Sit down," he told the kid. "I want you to call your Mom and Dad right now, Young Man. You're going home." I was impressed by Rob until the kid started to talk back.

"You can't tell me what to do. My dad's a lawyer."

"Oh? Well then let me talk to your dad. Go ahead and call him, we'll get it all straightened out."

"No, I'm not giving you his number. You'd just lie to him." The boy dialed a number on his cell phone and talked to his mom on the other end.

Rob noticed another disturbance just around the corner from where we were standing and he started to walk in that direction in order to investigate. As he did, the boy he had told to sit down decided he was going to stand up and talk with his friends again. It was still my first day on the job, so I was almost too nervous to say anything. Instead, I choked down the nervousness and spoke up a little more than I had planned to.

"My boss told you to SIT DOWN!" I barked at the boy.

His eyes grew wide, he leaned back, he bent his knees and he sat down perfectly silently with his hands folded neatly in his lap. Not a peep escaped his mouth the rest of the time I stood there.

Rob turned around and walked towards me. I had a hard time figuring out whos eyes were bigger, Robs or the boys.

"I think you're going to be just fine here," he said to me. He looked around for a minute. Not a single one of the kids were talking. A few of them walked away, a few went into the closest store, and any remaining kids sat down quietly to talk amongst themselves. Rob beamed at me with pride.

"You just Fog Horned them right up!"

The nickname stuck for a while and everyone on the crew called me Fog, or Fog Horn. Nobody dared call me Horn - they knew I'd fog horn their ears for trying.


  1. i've never been so authoritarian handling kids is something i can't do lol

    keyute lil story

  2. I think they may have also known not to mess with a redhead.


Your comments will need to be moderated before posted,thank you.