Some people would think this is an obsessive compulsive disorder. I can't agree with that, and in fact I think it cannot be further from the truth. I would love to be able to only wash my face once a day. In fact I would be thrilled if I can get away with only washing my face three times a day. But the ugly truth is that my face will not permit that. My face does not like me.
I never had problems with acne when I was younger. That kind of stuff never really came up. I had a clear complexion, though freckled and spotted. I hated my freckles more than most kids could ever hate their own freckles. I also hated my crooked teeth and the shape of my smile. I didn't like my nose much either. But I never had a problem with pimples.
I don't have a problem with pimples now. What I have a problem with I'm not sure how to explain without going into gory, disgusting details. My face does not break out with pimples, my face breaks out with boils. It does not seem to matter what I eat, what I drink, my daily activities and routines, my stress levels or my exercise schedule. In fact, nothing seems to affect the situation, Including the four different kinds of soap.
I have an apricot scrub.
I have a Clinique face wash for oily skin types.
I have a Neutrogena face wash.
In fact, I have two different types of Neutrogena face wash.
I even have a face wash from philosophy. I use the one from philosophy when I feel that the other soaps have dried out certain areas of my skin.
Sometimes when I wash my face, I wash with the Neutrogena face wash first. When I do, I let it sit on my face for a while. Usually for several minutes. I rinse it off and immediately apply more. I repeat that process about 8 to 10 times. When that's done, I move onto the apricot scrub. I do the exact same with the apricot scrub. Then I do the same thing with the Clinique.
When I get out of the tub, IQs my straight alcohol and cotton balls to apply a layer of alcohol to my face. Once the alcohol is dry, I use my Neutrogena face drying lotion, followed by my Clearasil spot treatment on the worst areas. I don't touch another thing to my face except my pillow until morning, when I wash my face four more times - once with each kind of soap. I even use a Neutrogena liquid foundation with statylic Acid acne treatment, if I use anything at all.
Nothing helps.
I've been told its Basal Cell Carcinoma - aka Skin Cancer. I don't have any insurance for treatments or to even get properly diagnosed. In the mean time, I'm beginning to discover deep grooves an pock marks around the corners of my mouth. One area has plagued me since my mid-twenties. When I manage to get it to go away after about a year of fighting with it, it's only gone for three to six months. And then it's back with a vengeance.
My face does not like me.
So for now, I am stuck taking a bath every night of my life. When I can't take a bath, my face feels dirty. Even when I do take a bath, my face only feels clean for about 10 minutes. Even with using straight alcohol on my skin, my face only stays dry for about eight of those ten minutes. The oils in my skin are out of control.
One of these days I'm going to go to a dermatologist. One of these days I will be able to afford it. And when I do, I'm doing it on my own. I've had three people promise me I would get to see a dermatologist. One lied, another forgot and the last just didn't care.
So if I have any dermatologist readers out there, any hints or bits of wisdom you could impart upon me?
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