The majority of people in my life who have ever claimed they loved me were mistaken. It wasn't that they were lying to me, or even to themselves. Poor fools didn't even realize it. For that matter, even I am one of those fools.
It was never really love. It's a hard reality to face but it's true none the less.
People wanted to be with me, be like me, be around me or just BE me. Since I've never really though that much of myself I never even considered this as a possibility. Sadly, this is the reality of things.
People I've not seen or heard from in 15-20 years contact me with either messages of hate or wanting to find me for some reason. People I thought were friends have gone out of their way to convince themselves that I'm evil. They obsess over me. When I don't get angry at their lies, they try desperately to convince others that i am a socio-path, unable to love. They try to convince others and fail miserably - because those others (the majority at least) are either obsessed or are one of the very rare few who actually DO care about me without the obsession.
In a desperate plea to be loved I have found myself doing favors for others - helping them get jobs, giving them money for Christmas gifts for their family, buying them gifts, sharing anything I have with those I think are friends. But those people we think are friends who are really only obsessors will turn on us faster than anyone, given even half a chance.
I have loved often and many. I have been severely hurt and wounded. I bleed if I am cut. I cry when I am broken. I'm sad when I feel lonely. I'm happy almost every single moment of my life.
I am real.
I am human.
I am PROUD to be me.
And for all of those out there angry that I'm not reacting to negativity, obvious lies, hatred, lack of appreciation, lack of respect and blatant obsession - stick it up your pipe an smoke it. I don't have time for it ... And even if I did, I wouldn't waste it on you.
Obsess away. Be jealous of me. I have an amazing life that I'm proud to share with the world. I'm an amazing person. I'm ok with that. It's just a shame you're so miserable in your own lives that you can't be happy with YOU- like I am with me.
If you want to be WITH me, start by being honest with yourself as to why.
If you want to be LIKE me, be happy with you first; that's a good place to start.
If you want to be AROUND me, then treat me as though I'm human and have a heart.
If you want to BE me, go take a flying leap.
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