As of late, I've been incredibly confused as to what it was I had been feeling. I was silently and viciously attacked without my knowledge, and I refused to show anger over it. For that I was accused of being a sociopath, to which anyone out there who has ever dared to read my blogs would know that to be incredibly false. Anyone who's ever known me in person would know that wasn't true. I'm filled with deep emotions that I must try to control lest they control me. I just know not to get angry over petty things because it doesn't do anyone any good.
I've learned a lot since moving to California in 2002.
1. Nice towels are worth spending a few extra dollars on.
2. People only want to know you if you can do something for them.
3. A drive along the coast will cure just about anything.
4. Traveling is worth every cent we can afford to spend on it.
5. Life is lived outside of four walls and two rooms.
5. Everything out here is measured in time, not miles.
6. There's not a person in the world who won't lie to your face.
Social graces within the workplace dictate that names shall not be named. I am personally guilty of that action, and for that action alone, I apologize. I apologize to my boss. I apologize to his wonderful wife. I apologize to those people I named. HOWEVER - what I told was true so I will not apologize for having said it.
As several people lately will attest to, when I have a problem with someone in particular, I go directly to them - not to everyone around them, people who know them, neighbors, roommates and total strangers. Those would be the actions of a coward - someone who feels it's necessary to hide within the shadows. I'm not a shadow dweller.
After posting a blog recently, I was accused of being extremely egotistical by someone who claimed to not know me and refused to put anything but "Anonymous" for their name. To clear THAT one up, I never said that everyone in the world wanted to BE me. What I said - if you can understand plain English please feel free to go back and
read it again here... - was that I've known so few people who actually
loved me. People who claimed to love me were actually obsessive people. I draw them to me like flies. They don't realize they are obsessed with me, and perhaps they aren't at first, but that turns out to be the case. Not every one of them want to BE me, but what I said was "People wanted to be with me, be like me, be around me or just BE me." I stand by that. Now - stop posting anonymously and your comments might actually be posted. *wink*
Those who obsess over others usually do for those reasons - am I wrong?
So I'll leave you with these final thoughts on the matter before I get back to writing about my regular program of stories, travel adventures, upcoming excitement and joyful times...
Don't obsess over others. It leads to no good.
When you break social graces, it's ok to apologize.
Any time I have a problem with someone, I go to them. If you don't hear it from me, I don't have a problem with you.
And finally - Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. They aren't worth the time, so why give it to them? People, it's time to move on.
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For some time now I have read your blogs. Amanda, you have had a very interesting life. One that I have taken the pleasure of following. The reason your blogs stand out to me is becuase I honestly feel that you don't deviate from that of the truth. It takes a very brave person to write such events to be displayed in the public eye. Years ago I myself had my life very private. Never allowing anyone to know anything. Thats when I realized how more often your friends and loved ones turn just because thats how this society is. Everyone has secrets. I have found the only way to keep them is to not tell anyone. If one person knows then everyone must. That way no one can use that against you. Thats why my book is open. I have come to discover that life lived this way has its benefits. Say what you will but be prepared for me to confront it on all levels. This is why you will always find me posting in name. I stand by what I say and have little respect for those who don't. Guys like me do struggle but your blogs keep us even more solid in the game. Keeps us brave and gives us strength. For all the people who post a response with the name anonamys you just prove you cant stand up and put your face to what your mouth says. Keep talking shit behind a blank face for you will never be as strong as people like our very own Amanda here. Keep it real Amanda we love it.
ReplyDeleteI would like to be as brave as Mr. Wimberly and post my full name and picture. But I am not, so I guess that makes me cowardly. I am a 70 yr. old female who is new to the world of computers and know very little about how they really work. But I have nothing to hide.
ReplyDeleteTo Amanda:
I said a prayer for you today and I know God must have heard,
For I felt the answer in my heart, although He spoke no word.
I didn't ask for wealth or fame-- I knew you wouldn't mind,
I asked Him to send treasures of a far more lasting kind.
I asked Him to be near you at the start of each new day,
To grant you health and blessings with TRUE LOVE along the way.
I asked for happiness for you in all things great and small,
But it was for His loving care I prayed for most of all.
Anonymous Fran
Dearest Fran,
ReplyDeleteI feel there has been a missunderstanding. I happen to be really good friends with Amanda and while she has to approve blog resposes I get the pleasure sometimes of seeing the ones that attack her. You are one of the few I respect becuase you always sign your name. I follow your responses just as much as Amanda own blog. I have come to care for you do to your supportive responses to her blogs. I honestly believe that your soul is pure and value your opinion. Fran my response was not directed at you. It is directed at the cowards who would try to post some down right negative stuff on a brave young ladies blog without some sort of I.D. You are a treasure Fran and that is my honest opinion. I realized the minute you posted that I should have mentioned you in my response. I only know one way to speak and thats from the heart. You are a brave person and no where near a coward. Take care and I wish you nothing but happiness and good health, dearest Fran.
Jason Wimberly Sr.
Hello Jason,
ReplyDelete(I hope Amanda doesn't mind if I communicate with you on her blog, but its the only way I know how). I don't think she will mind.
My dear young man, you certainly didn't offend me and I didn't think your comment was directed at me. I have read your kind comments to your dear friend Amanda as well. I think it is wonderful that she has friends like you who will speak up for her when she is being unjustly attacked. I have no way of knowing how many nasty comments she gets but I have seen at least one or two which she shared with her readers.
If she weren't such a talented writer, an artist, a model with beauty and grace, intelligence, as well as being kind and sweet; I doubt she would get such hurtful things said to her. Jealousy is such an ugly thing and the root of so many evils. I really believe those who are critical of her or try to make trouble for her are simply jealous, miserable fools.
I have read almost everything she has put on her blog, and as far as I can tell, she is a strong young lady. She would have to be in order to have lived through the things she has faced. When I came across her blog, I was immediately drawn to her and felt protective of her (perhaps because I too have a daughter who has dealt with jealousy in her life). I have even found myself concerned about Amanda if she goes for periods of time without writing anything. I believe everything happens for a reason and I feel in my heart that I found her blog for a reason. I feel she is a special young lady who still has a bright future ahead of her.
Thank you dear young man for your kind and thoughtful words. It is obvious you speak from your heart and you are a blessing to others.
Please take of yourself and continue to look out for Amanda.
Sooner or later the haters will become bored and go away.
Always Fran
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure where to comment to get a message to you so I chose the one where you published one of my comments last.
As I have told you I don't know a lot about computers (that is probably quite obvious by now), and I do use a computer that is in a place where it is shared by many others. I had never heard of IP addresses or IP whatever they are called until you posted the picture of that one. I have always been somewhat scared to use one because of my limited knowledge of them. Needless to say I am even more leary of using them now.
I have a friend who works for one of the internet providers near where I live and I called him today to ask some questions. I am very upset and disturbed by what I learned. I was told that especially in small towns and rural areas that many people share the same IP address and that most of them don't even realize it. He said that something called a dynamic number (IP) can even be changed whenever the provider chooses to change it. I wrote down those numbers you put on your blog and gave them to him.
After reading about co-workers and others being cruel to you on this blog and with all the computer issues, I too am now very troubled. I love reading your blog with your stories and poems and I even try to check on you if you are quiet for a few days. But what if by clicking on your blog with someone elses's computer I have inadvertantly led others to you? Do you know if someone could have followed where I have been? I know I must sound ignorant about this stuff but I am so sorry if I am at fault somehow. I have looked back at all the stories I have commented on and noticed that your friends Jason and Patric and I are the ones who comment good things the most. (As far as the ones you publish I mean.) I am so sorry if any of your pain was brought about by me.
All I know to do is stop reading your blog or commenting until I can get my own computer with my own IP number address. When I get it I will let you know that it is me. I will try to check back a couple more times to see if you got this note. Take care, you are a special girl. Love and Prayers, Fran
Oh god I am loving Fran more and more with every comment you/she posts. I believe Fran has some great questions and comments in this one. Maybe a blog about I.P. addresses would be cool, hint, hint, hehe. I have logged your blogs on multiple computers and as well as my phone. I dont think i personally know anyone who would travel through me via I.P or personally but I know they wouldn't have the guts to tell me. I am liking this group form though. Fran= Innocence, Patric= Charismatic, Amanda= Elegance and enforcer, Jason= straight forward all cards on the table aggressor. I love you all
ReplyDelete