I want a job that will pay the bills.
I want the freedom to come and go as I please.
I want to stop smoking.
I want to be remembered.
I want to be good and kind.
I want the kindness to be returned.
I want friends.
I want a good life.
I want my happiness to continue.
I want my old friend back.
I want for him to have a good life.
I want for him to forget me.
I want him to forgive me.
I want my own car again.
I want to feel like I'm going to be ok.
I have most of those... but there are still a few things missing.
Notice the one thing I didn't list was a relationship. I don't want one. I'm not ready for love or promises or drama or disaster. I've tried that. I don't think it's for me. I wasn't meant to have it I guess. Life goes on without it. I keep breathing and eating and sleeping without it. Though the media would have us believe it's necessary in order to have a full, rich life, I disagree. I miss it, certainly. Was it worth it? Yeah, I think it was at times. Not all the time, but sometimes.
But I'm going to be ok.
I do have love - just not that sort. I have the love of my Aunt and two Uncles and countless friends around the world. I have people who will be a shoulder when I need one, give me a hug when I'm desperate for one and tell me it'll all be ok. I have support and love everywhere. What I do NOT have is drama, jealousy and heartache.
I don't want the world. I don't want the moon. I don't want promises and expectations. I don't want pain and misunderstanding. I just want to be me.