This is a fast post tonight, basically in order to just have it available for anyone interested in the issue of the day. This video has apparently gone viral and many people have differing opinions of it. I certainly had mine and wasn't shy in sharing that opinion.
I'm fully prepared to have others chime in on this blog with their own opinions, and as long as I'm not personally getting attacked, there's no name calling and things are kept in perspective, EVERY SINGLE COMMENT I get will be posted publicly.
Please, feel free to weigh in on the issue.
A facebook friend of mine posted this and had the following comment to say about it.
(Please watch the video below)
Mark Davidson:
This is really horrific parenting.
She's a teen who is venting. It's natural and healthy. Dad committed criminal computer trespass and violated her privacy. It's the equivalent of reading her diary. (Delete your cookies, kids.)
She's a normal teen. He has massive control issues, is condescending, and narcissistic.
What he is teaching her is that her thoughts are wrong. Her feelings are wrong. Violence is a solution to problems. He's also using intimidation to make a point.
On the other hand, the entertainment value of this video is huge, so despite his being a bad parent, I'm willing to over look that and give this video a 9/10.
MOST of the posted comments from his friends were in disagreement with him. He replied by saying:
Mark Davidson:
Extra points for publicly humiliating your own daughter on the internet. It's important to teach our children not to express themselves, their thoughts or their feelings. It's particularly important to ensure our children do not have any semblance of good, healthy self esteem.
The subtext of the message here is, there are consequences to our actions and if our actions include freewill, we will be punished and our possession will be shot.
Again. This is a great video. Not my kid, so I really don't care. The viral quotient of this video is off the charts. So I stand firm on giving it a 9/10.
Parents. Learn from this. If you don't already own a firearm, go out and buy one. It's an essential tool in the proper raising of your children.
I wonder what happens to the dog if she forgets to feed or bath it?
MY response was just this:
Amanda Blackwood:
While I normally agree with you Mark, I must say that I deeply disagree this time.
What he did was FAR better parenting than my parents did. My father had the cops called on him constantly for the way he treated us kids. He was a wise and wicked man... he would abuse us in ways that wouldn't leave a bruise, so nobody could (or would) do anything about it. If I had pulled this young lady's stunt, the punishment would have been MUCH more severe.
If she thought it was a 'hot shit' thing to do, publicly posting to her friends about how horrible her family was, swearing at every turn as this guy says, telling people she does far more than she actually has on her chore list, making her parents out to be the evil bastards mine actually WERE, I believe she NEEDED and deserved to be humiliated.
The same is true in reverse. If her parents had done to her what my parents did, I would easily see it as her right to humiliate them and tell the truth abouth them - which is just what I've done in my own blog - and shed some light on the subject.
Her parents didn't say that her opinions or venting needs were wrong. What he said was that she lied. She embelished everything and made others think they were horrible people. HOw many of those other kids have parents who can see her post? How many of those parents would have thought he was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive to her for that post? How many parents were only two steps away from calling the police on them for mistreating their daughter?
The subtext of tthe message here is CERTAINLY that there are consequences for our actions - as it should be - but NOT that we will be pubished and our possessions shot for our actions, unless those actions are blatant lies that could get someone into legal trouble.
What happens to the dog if she forgets to feed or bathe it? What kind of question is that, Mark? I had one of the WORST upbringings of anyone I know, up to and including .... (I'm skipping all of the horrible parts here, please forgive my editing, but there are some things I'd rather some people not have to read), and FAR WORSE.... but my parents always fed the dog when I forgot to.
The way I see it, you have EVERY right to comment on how someone else raises their 15 year old daughter when you have one.
Sue E Hepner:
I agree with you Mark. This is an abusive man. The daughters behavior stems from that abuse. She will probably run away find someone just like her father and perpetuate the cycle of violence.
Amanda Blackwood Sue, please point out to the rest of us where he says he was violent to her physically, so that we may see and understand what you are talking about. Perhaps I didn't hear that part due to the one partially deaf ear I've struggled with since childhood.
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What person admits to the entire internet the abuse they induce on their child?
ReplyDeleteI will repeat myself...
ReplyDeletePlease point out to the rest of us where he says he was violent to her physically, so that we may see and understand what you are talking about. Perhaps I didn't hear that part due to the one partially deaf ear I've struggled with since childhood.
There are a lot of family dynamics going on with that family. We really don't know what has been actually happening prior to the father looking at his daughters facebook page. All I can say is that this family needs counseling fast or else they are going to have a broken up family. The need to use a violent gun and shoot the computer brought chills to my spine. It was almost like he was associating the laptop as his daughter, and then shooting at it. Too much anger in this poor family. I do hope they get help.
ReplyDeleteI listened twice and never heard him say that.
ReplyDeleteHe wasn't shooting his daughter.
ReplyDeleteIf we're going to get into symbolism, he was shooting the LIES.
If we're getting into the heart of the issue, there WAS no symbolism... only a hurting father wanting nothing more than to defend the love he feels for her and everything he's done for her. He feels unappreciated and loved by the one person in this world he would do anything for.
I applaud him, without regret. In response to the flood of reactions, he has posted several follow-ups. Here’s a selection from one of them…
…Yes, I shot it full of holes. Would I have received the same viral attention if I’d used it as a dog toy, hit it with a hammer, drove over it with the truck, or simply thrown it away? I’m not sure. But the point is that her parents told her “If it happens again, I’ll put a bullet through it.”
So, rather than let her push that particular boundary any further, I did absolutely no more and no less than I promised I’d do. Do I regret doing it? No. Do I regret keeping it on Facebook long enough to cause this stir? Yes. However at this time I feel that if I took the post or the video down, I’d just make it appear that we’re running in shame from it, and we’re not.
Truthfully though the social attention has helped her and I both deal with it. We had our discussion about it after she returned home from school. We set the ground rules for her punishment, and then I let her read some of the comments on Facebook with me at my computer. At first it was upsetting. Then as we read it became less so, eventually funny to both of us.
At the end, she was amazed that other people had such amazingly strong reactions. Some said she’d grow up to be a stripper. Others that she’d get pregnant and become drug addicted because of the emotional damage. She actually asked me to go on Facebook and ask if there was anything else the victim of a laptop-homicide could do besides stripping because all the posts seem to mention that particular job and she wasn’t so keen on that one.
And in another update…
While the whole point of this story isn’t funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn’t let it (or people’s comments) destroy her strength. I don’t get any credit for that. She’s strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.
Wow Mark,
ReplyDeleteI, as did amanda blackwood, had an abusive childhood. Setting that aside, Your end questions are not warranted at all. They do not fit into the punishment that this father gave. I am offended that you would say that this father is abusive, he buys his child every electronic gadget a teen could want and takes his time to set her computer up the way she wants it, teaches her discipline and self respect by giving her chores to do, and teaches her respect for others by pointing out the fact that a "cleaning lady" is not her slave (which DAD pays for), but a person who he will not let his "entitled" and "big-headed" daughter treat like a lesser human. You must not know what abuse is.
I require that my teenagers do most of the cleaning in the home. I help occasionally, but I work full time, go to school, work on our cars, fix almost any problem with our home, and improve the quality of our home. I just painted one of my teen's rooms and made them help. I taught the "right" way to prep, paint, and clean up. Her room is the way she wanted it and she had to work for it. I cut the other daughter off financially after a string of bad choices. She did not see how those choices cost her whole family to struggle, not just the money providers. She freaked out and called us names, but, with backing from our counselor, cut her off from rides to school and work and all money. She just turned 18 and thought she knew it all, and we did SO much to prepare her for moving out when she was ready. She found out very quick that her "ready" was not really ready. We, as parents, cannot always control our children's actions or lack there of, nor can we enable them. In three weeks time our 18 year old daughter grew up. She learned what was really important to her (and what should be), and she learned to prioritize her life. She watched this video. 2 months ago she would have probably thought the father was crazy, today she thought he had every right. That's my girl! That's how you know that you just may have gotten through to the one thing you would lay your life down for with no hesitation. Our kids are reflections of us, but my child's bad decisions were a reflection of me letting her get away with them, and now she's seeing a little more clearly in that mirror. She just actually got done lecturing her younger sister, hung up the phone on her, and said "omg, I sound just like Dad". It's a wonderful day when your child stands up for the respect you have taught them that they should give and receive.
continued...
ReplyDeleteBecause my teenagers are not actually mine biologically, I did not get to teach them respect from the start. I decided that it would be a fiasco if I tried to take their "voice" or opinions from them, otherwise known as "talking back" (which would get my biological son spanked after the 1st warning). When I entered the eldest's life she voiced her opinions plainly. This was disrespect for everyone around her. At 15 she was not mature enough to realize the consequence words can have. I let her say whatever she wanted to say, BUT she could not YELL, BE DISRESPECTFUL, OR HATEFUL. You must set guidleines for your kids. That's your job as a parent. What this parent taught his daughter was that he was fed up and after enabling her too long he was going to be just as dramatic as she. How does she like it? I am sure the lesson taught here was that she will never publicly humiliate anyone again, she will thing twice before vomiting her words, and consider how her actions make others feel. I am sure she now realizes what EACH privilege in her home is. Sometimes when we are lazy and want to give so much to make sure our kids have a good life, we end up not knowing what damage we have done until its too late, and pulling our hair out trying to get them to understand what we go through daily for them. This father clearly stated that this had happened in the past and he found something that, Im sure, spoke to his daughter loud and clear. If you as an adult take from his lesson that you must shoot something when you are not getting your way, then your parents did a crappy job raising you. Use common sense here. I would have probably used a hammer, and I know of a teenager who got mad at her parents and smashed her mac book (that they bought for her)with a hammer when they tried to take her computer after finding out that she had been seeing a boy in another state that was 20 and she was 14. How dare you preach about privacy rights of minors that are financially supported by adults. Minors do not have the right to do whatever they want. It is your job as a parent to regulate that. If I had not read "diaries" I would not know that both my teens were sexually active, and I would not have taken the precautions to ensure their and our family's safety. I would not have known our eldest was cutting herself when she first moved in, and my, then 4 year old, could have come across her razor blades and, god forbid, hurt himself, If I had not gone through her purse.
The young lady referred to in this video wanted attention. She addressed the letter to her parents, but put it out for the world to see. I imagine the consequences may have been lighter had she handed them her feelings directly. That's another rule I have. My kids can write ANYTHING they want, any feeling they have, as long as they try and use their words. They then put it in my room for ME to read. I can ONLY respond by writing back in the book. It works! If they gave that book to someone else to read my reaction to their feelings would be discounted. This father taught his daughter to take her feelings to him next time, not the world, as I am sure she would like him to do as well now. Sometimes in parenting you cannot go by "the book". There is no book. There are no real guidelines. To each their own. This is NOT abuse. It's good parenting in lieu of mistakes on both sides. Consider this: We are all ADULTS just trying to make sure our kids get out alive and grow into intelligent, respectful people, and our kids are KIDS needing direction, structure, and discipline so that they can get out alive as respectful, intelligent ADULTS. Good Luck!
I love how Mark points a finger at this man by calling him condescending and narcissistic. He did what for his daughter? He bought her a laptop? That's not very selfish to me. And as far as condescending goes, your follow up comments are just that. Introspective is a term everyone should know. People who live in glass houses.... oh and freewill is not FREE. There are consequences to every action, good or bad. I believe he just taught his daughter that, and I am sure he is realizing that very thing for his actions, but he probably believes it's worth it to get through to his child. If his daughter took advantage of her freewill and got a speeding ticket, then chose to go to court over it, she might be publicly humiliated by a judge, as I was at that age. Reality, what a concept.
ReplyDeleteMr. Jordan's response to the overwhelming number (millions) of comments to his videl -
ReplyDeleteUpdate:
This may come as a wild shock to some.. wait for it.. wait.... (I need that guy who did the awesome HD youtube parody to do me an intro here. Where is he when I need him?)
I'm NOT a hero... of ANY kind... at all.
I'm not a super-dad, or awesome parent.
I'm a normal guy with reasonable a moral compass that I try very hard to keep pointed north. I make a LOT of mistakes. Did I say a LOT? I mean a WHOLE lot! Daily... sometimes hourly!
I'm extremely lucky to have a very strong wife who tolerates me and puts up with my mistakes, and who herself is strong enough that she can put me in my place with only a look.. no really.. you haven't seen her "I'm not kidding anymore" face... it's serious.
(For example I can apparently destroy a laptop and garnish world-wide attention in mere seconds, but I guarantee tomorrow morning my wife will say "Hey Chuck Norris. Make the freakin BED WILL YOU PLEASE" because I'll forget to.
(I have to admit the "Chuck Norris wears Tommy Jordan pajamas" comment will stay with me for the rest of my life. I want that on a bumper sticker!)
I'm lucky to have great kids (two of them) who look up to me despite all my mistakes.
I make bad parenting decisions all the time. We all do. Personally, I stand behind the decision I made earlier this week by posting the video. I don't find fault with it. If I had it to do again... let's see... I'd do it almost the same.
I'd not be smoking a cigarette. (That's a habit I promised my wife I'd quit as soon as I could afford to just go out and buy a Chantix prescription. She absolutely hates it and I'm getting mature enough to want to quit it for my own reasons as well.)
I'd not have used the word "ass" in my comment directed at my daughter. That was rude and a bad example of a parent using the "Do as I say, not as I do" philosophy
I'd have worn my Silverbelly Stetson, not my Tilley hat if I'd known that image was going to follow me the rest of my life and I'd probably have cleaned my boots.
That's it. I meant all the rest of it. My wife is OK with it. My daughter is OK with it. My Mother is OK with it. I'm OK with it. We're the only ones that matter.
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Continued:
ReplyDeleteFor those that feel the need to keep calling the police and CPS. lol
Apparently both the local police and the department of social services are OK with it. Yes they came. Of course they came. They received enough "Oh my god he's going to kill his daughter" comments that they had to. I knew that the moment it went viral.. it was too late and it was inevitable. I'm only surprised it took as long as it did to be honest.
The police by the way said "Kudos, Sir" and most of them made their kids watch it. I actually had a "thank you" from an entire detectives squad. And another police officer is using it in a positive manner in his presentation for the school system. How's about those apples? Didn't expect THAT when you called the cops did you?
The kind lady from Child Protective Services looked all through the house, the yard, and found ours to be a healthy home. She saw the unloaded guns in their rack with the magazines removed and stored separately and safely. Funny thing: The case officer asked to see "the gun".... "Umm, sir, may I see the actual..umm.. weapon used for the video?" She wasn't at all scared of me but I could tell she doesn't like guns as a general rule. To each their own though. She was comfortable that I was adhering to NC gun safety regulations for the protection of minors, and that's all she needed. But of course if you want to continue, I'm just going to leave a pot of coffee on for the next officers who come by. (Digress: Maybe I can get Krispy Kreme to sponsor me with lifetime donuts? Oh God that would be heaven. Dunkin? Crap... KK all the way....)
She asked if I minded if she interviewed my daughter privately but that I didn't have to agree. I let her meet in private and then she and I met for about an hour and a half. At the end of the day, no I'm not losing my kids, no one's in danger of being ripped from our home that I know of, and I actually got to spend some time with the nice lady and learn some cool parenting tips that I didn't know.. I use them on my 8 year old son, but not on my fifteen year old daughter.. but now I will! There were a few things I thought she was "too old" for, but after talking to the case worker, I feel like it's worth a shot to try them. Maybe I'll sell those secrets in my next book! (Seriously? You just got mad didn't you? I'm kidding. Besides, that would still only give me two pages of material- one parent tip page and one page on handgun selection techniques appropriate for different electronic destructive purposes.)
Continued:
ReplyDeleteContinued:
Back to me being a normal guy... I digressed again.
You guys caught me on eight and a half minutes of ONE day in my life, probably the worst day in my life as a father. So, all in all, I consider the vast overwhelming show of support to be very very gratifying... that was me at my worst, not my best. If most of you found me OK as a Dad at that time, then I'm definitely OK the rest of the time. I was angry, hurt as hell, emotional as can possibly be, and stunned still. I'd taken an hour to compose myself, but apparently I should have waited longer.. and maybe used the .22 instead of the .45. (And since when does an 8 minute video EVER go viral? And maybe the next video I'll do will be auctioning the pistol I used.. that should buy some serious college tuition, but please understand that I will definitely use the profits to also purchase a replacement .45.)
I'd like to think that if a camera followed me around and filmed every moment of my life as a parent, most of you out there would still put me in the plus column. Truthfully most of you would probably be bored. I'm just ordinary. I was raised old fashioned, and I raise my kids the same way... the modern generational concepts be damned!
Continued:
ReplyDeleteAnd OK, so THAT brings me to a topic I'll close with, though I had no intention of speaking on it when I started this rant. (Hey, aren't the 25 thousand of you who subscribed really regretting it now? I'm always this scatter brained. Makes you wonder how I formed enough sensible sentences to write a book doesn't it? Then again... maybe that accounts for the book sales being in the toilet...)
So, my last point:
I've received a LOT of comments (and by lot you have to understand there's literally MILLIONS of them. I'll likely never be able to read them all in my lifetime) pointing out that I was raised old fashioned apparently that that I needed to learn to be a parent in today's world.
Umm.. is there a polite way to call bull***t!?
The kids today ARE self entitled, spoiled, adverse to working, and basically have NO usable skills taught to them in schools. (Yes some of you out there excel. If you've graduated high school and at least pay some of your own bills, then I'm not talking to you. If you however are 25 and live with your parents because you're too lazy to get a job, then yes, I'm talking to you. Half of that is the parent's fault for thinking that the school system is supposed to raise their kids. The other half is a parent's fault for letting our school systems get to the utterly pathetic state they are in. It's your kid.. so no matter what it's ALWAYS your fault.. get it?
I'll give you a real example from the NC school system. My daughter just finished Honors Geometry in school. Halfway through the semester she asks me "Dad, can you help me type this math problem into your graphing calculator? I can't get the equation to come out right." I said "sure" and went over to help out. The problem was about calculating the tangent of a line, but I can't remember the specifics of it at the moment. I took a look at it and said "Honey, why don't you just do the problem manually... you know, on a piece of paper? It's pretty easy."
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ReplyDeleteShe honestly looked at me like I was a complete idiot! "You can't do it with a pencil and paper, Dad. Sheesh!"
I stared at her dumbfounded. "Honey, you DO know that tangential math has been around since the 1600s, right? Over 500 years. Long BEFORE graphing calculators existed..., right?"
Her response was "Well, we're not taught that. We're just taught how to enter it into a calculator and get the right answer."
Absolutely SURE she must be crazy, I checked.... and she's right. HONORS mathematics at the high school level doesn't teach kids basic math principles. At all!!! If a modern honors geometry student had to calculate the distance of a line from the top of a flag pole to any point in space relative to the ground.. they have no idea how to do it. (How many of you just asked your kids to show you how to do that? Wait... how many more are Googling it right now? Stop. That's cheating.)
Further, almost every state now is taking "writing" out of schools. Kids are now being taught to print, and that's it. No need for actual writing because they all have computers. I'm NOT making this up! This is TRUE!! They learn the alphabetic characters... and nothing more. The age of eloquent thought borne by patient strokes of pen to paper... are gone like Rhett Butler's sex appeal.
So let me recap... you don't learn math, you don't learn to write actual words without the benefit of spell-check. You don't apparently learn grammar either because I've SEEN those text books and quizzes.. horrible.
Yet you want ME to stop raising MY child with old fashioned methods that actually made me fairly intelligent, capable of fending for myself, capable of managing money, holding a job, respecting my elders, etc?
So you can replace it with what? You want to teach kids it's OK to talk back to parents as long as they have the freedom to express themselves. You want to outlaw spankings. You've obviously made it OK for them to be stupid upon graduating high school. You've recently made it illegal for kids to work around any animal that can harm them under the age of 18, to include working in hay lofts, around dogs, or cats, horses, or cattle, etc. (Thanks for that law Obama.. idiot) You won't let them work in a restaurant that serves alcohol until 18 in most states. You won't let them work at ALL until 15 (It was 13 for me, but Dad lied and got me started when I was 12). When are they supposed to learn actual adult stuff exactly? When do they learn responsibility? No kid left behind? Pfft.. EVERY kid left behind! (Dang I'm mad now.. maybe I WILL run for President... no, wife already vetoed that one. I'd really love to though.. really, seriously!)
"Modern" parenting raises ill-prepared kids who can't do anything and have no skills because they're protected from even LEARNING them until 18 years old, at which time you want us parents to throw them out into the world, send them off to college, and expect them to be productive members of society? You can take your "modern" parenting, and shove it. Jeezus people. Half of you think chores at 15 are too much! God forbid we make them actually WORK too!
(packing my soapbox away and going to bed now)
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ReplyDeleteI'm ok with you picking on me. And I'm ok with you picking on my posts, but I'm NOT ok with you picking on my kid. Yes, I've already dealt with the local police, who by the way said "From our entire department, Kudo's to you, sir."
Now I'm letting my daughter have her interview with Social Services, so they too can be satisfied that I don't yell at her, beat her, traumatize her, lock her in a closet without food, deprive her of basic human rights, make her cut the grass with scizzors, hunt for her meals in the wild with only a spork, or otherwise fail to provide for my daughter. She's great. She's strong. And apparently she's handling it better than some of you are.
And yeah, Jessica-Mason Everett, I'm talking to you.
ou know based on the comments before I waatched this I expected something much worse. When I watched this all he really did was teach his daughter some self respect and about hard work. Kids these days are often about gimmie and do this for me without realizing how much work goes into earning a dollar. I say Kudos to tough love.
ReplyDelete