Originally posted 27 May 08 Tuesday
A friend of mine expressed it best....
"I'm not going to lie, the last month or so has been a really hard one in my life, for a myriad of reasons. For being one of the "emotional ones" in my family, I've spent a lifetime teaching myself how to not show my emotions, play my hand with the best poker face possible. That's not to say I have controlled my emotions, no. I am still the ultra-feeling, hyper-sensitive little mama's boy I ever was, I've just gotten eerily good at not showing most of it, especially in the face of the hardest times.
"Anger, frustration, confusion, sorrow, fears, and regrets. It is the easy path to be consumed by emotions. The crying of absolute sorrow and pain, the screams and pounding of fists in anger, the falling apart of it all is a luxury that I go out of my way to not allow myself to afford. I almost envy those who allow themselves to do so. However, for me functioning day to day takes priority. And still, I am more than aware that my problems and concerns pale in comparison to those in the world who truly suffer.
"I'm not the kind of person who calls out for help, dials up a friend with the intent to complain, or feels its relevant to share my negative thoughts and feelings. Everyone's got their burdens they have to bare, mine are no different. That's not to say I that I think this is the healthiest approach. I'm constantly trying to help people through their mess, getting them to open up, wanting to be there for them. I prefer it, it makes me feel valid and useful and most importantly, its the right thing to do.
"Frankly, I'd love to be a basket-case.
"Why do I type all of this now? To get it out of my head. To admit that no, things are not alright, I am not okay, I am not as funny or silly or clever as I appear when you see me. I am tired, and sad, and incredibly hurt, and unsure of myself and the future, and feel like giving up. But I know that I will be fine, that time heals all, that bad times end in one way or another and that life will go on.
"Maybe we all just need a reminder every once in a while that we're not alone out there. Or just maybe I do. Maybe this is the only way I can deal with these emotions, by posting them on some random website where strangers can view them."
"I'm not going to lie, the last month or so has been a really hard one in my life, for a myriad of reasons. For being one of the "emotional ones" in my family, I've spent a lifetime teaching myself how to not show my emotions, play my hand with the best poker face possible. That's not to say I have controlled my emotions, no. I am still the ultra-feeling, hyper-sensitive little mama's boy I ever was, I've just gotten eerily good at not showing most of it, especially in the face of the hardest times.
"Anger, frustration, confusion, sorrow, fears, and regrets. It is the easy path to be consumed by emotions. The crying of absolute sorrow and pain, the screams and pounding of fists in anger, the falling apart of it all is a luxury that I go out of my way to not allow myself to afford. I almost envy those who allow themselves to do so. However, for me functioning day to day takes priority. And still, I am more than aware that my problems and concerns pale in comparison to those in the world who truly suffer.
"I'm not the kind of person who calls out for help, dials up a friend with the intent to complain, or feels its relevant to share my negative thoughts and feelings. Everyone's got their burdens they have to bare, mine are no different. That's not to say I that I think this is the healthiest approach. I'm constantly trying to help people through their mess, getting them to open up, wanting to be there for them. I prefer it, it makes me feel valid and useful and most importantly, its the right thing to do.
"Frankly, I'd love to be a basket-case.
"Why do I type all of this now? To get it out of my head. To admit that no, things are not alright, I am not okay, I am not as funny or silly or clever as I appear when you see me. I am tired, and sad, and incredibly hurt, and unsure of myself and the future, and feel like giving up. But I know that I will be fine, that time heals all, that bad times end in one way or another and that life will go on.
"Maybe we all just need a reminder every once in a while that we're not alone out there. Or just maybe I do. Maybe this is the only way I can deal with these emotions, by posting them on some random website where strangers can view them."
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