My ex-fiancee and former trafficker, pretending to be me, posted HUNDREDS of 'fantasy' stories online in different forums - gang rape fantasies, group orgy fantasies, intimate encounter stories - all of them while pretending to be me, and all of them listing MASSIVE amounts of details - things that actually happened to me without my consent. Then he posted some photos to go along with the stories; photos stolen from my current social media pages, photos of me being raped, and photos of me participating in sexual acts against my will with both men and women. This all surfaced less than a month ago and it sent my world into a momentary spiral. I say it's only momentary for me because I'm inherently a fighter. I guess that's rare in the world I came from. Less than 2% of all trafficking victims survive, and many who get out alive don't survive the first year. They succumb to suicide.
That's not to say that I'm not in a lot of pain. I will start seeing a therapist soon, trying to work through a lot of these recently resurfaced emotions - things I'd hoped I would never have to deal with again, like fear, shame, anger, frustration, guilt - guilt for things that weren't my fault.... I even talked to a lawyer yesterday and wrote to a news outlet that has been adamantly fighting human trafficking. He exposed my naked body and sexual organs to the entire world. Now, no matter how much it hurts me, I plan to expose what he's done to the world at large, too. This might put my life in danger, but I'll do it anyway because I refuse to ever be the victim again. In my past I'd been raped, victimized, sold, traded, starved and molested. It's all happening again right now through various pornography outlets.
You're an innocent bystander, you say. You didn't do this to me. You wouldn't support a rapist or any form of human trafficking, you say. You'd never do that to someone, you defend yourself. You aren't the guilty party who raped or molested or sold me. I don't want to be angry at you. You are right, you didn't do this to me. It's not your fault this happened to me. You aren't a rapist. And while I can rationalize at least that much in my head, what I can't get past is that it's people like you who are making sure that what he does is getting seen by more people. You're still the end user. You're the consumer. You make what he did to me entirely possible. You participate. I don't care if you've actually seen these photos and 'fantasy stories' or not - if you still participate, if you're still the end user, if you still click on the stories, if you still look at the photos, if you still go to the pornography sites, then YOU MAKE IT POSSIBLE. You could today see these things about me today, you could see them tomorrow. If you're still the end user, you're still running the risk of seeing all of this stuff about me... Do you have any idea how that makes someone like me feel?
If you are consuming pornography, just know that I'm not alone. All that dopamine being released into your brain from your instant gratification? Most of us are unwilling participants. Most of us don't want to be there. And... just like me for a very long time... a lot of us don't even know that we are.
Do you have any idea of the suicide rate of those who later find out, after rebuilding a life?
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