Thank You for your support
I'm really struggling and isolating myself a bit. I'll snap out of it eventually but I'm pretty freshly traumatized so I have to figure out how to process this stuff before I can really talk about it too much. However, please know that even though I didn't react to very much yesterday, I did see, read, and mentally process every single comment you guys left on my social media posts yesterday. The outpouring of love and support is something I have to admit I'm not anywhere near accustomed to receiving. Your kindness, your generosity, your love and compassion... you have completely taken my breath away.
Also, I'm beyond exhausted from PTSD flashback nightmares, so I had to use an image filter to get rid of the massive circles under my eyes. I'll get there, I promise. It might be a struggle right now, but as so many of you have reminded me, I've been through so much. It seems unfair that I'm now being handed this steaming bowl of cow manure, but at the same time you know my strength, and some of you have told me that you don't know how you would deal with something like this. That's understandable. But if that's the case, I would also rather it be me than ANY of you wonderful souls, because maybe I can take the burden from someone else this way.
All my adult life I've done all I can to make people believe I'm stronger than I am. As a very dear friend of mine told me yesterday "what is that except the very definition of courage?" I don't call myself courageous or brave or even bold and confident. Honestly, I'm none of those things. But I am a writer, and I'll continue telling the truth and my story for as long as I physically can. I made a promise when I first started out to always talk about the hard stuff, in my own time, and to never stop until I find the girls I left behind.
That friend of mine just told me the key words to do a google search on and I would be able to find dozens if not hundreds of posts by that same person that include photos of me. This will be a long, arduous, horrible, horrendous fight, but I've got this. And with your support, encouragement and love, I'll go so much further than I could have otherwise.