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Dating Me

Ok, ok... so I do believe in love. I just don't believe it will ever find me. Will it? I mean, I do deeply love... but can I be loved in return?



Recently a friend of mine told me that I seemed like a hard nut to crack - that they thought it would be hard for anyone to date someone like me because I don't put up with the 'red flags' and seem to have a lot of things I refuse to put up with... like broken promises, lies, manipulation and jealousy.  I don't think I'm very different in that regard. 


What makes you unique and human?

For me it's a multitude of things; patience, kindness, the ability to forgive, the inability to forget, the wisdom to know when it's time to let go. I dedicate a certain portion of my time and life to the GRACE Animal Rescue, helping wonderful critters find new homes.  It's emotionally rewarding, watching a dog rescued from the streets of Hawthorne be adopted by a wonderful family in Palos Verdes or Beverly Hills.  Somehow it renews my faith in the human race.

Like most women, I've had a lot of drama in my life. None of it was invited, and all of it was dismissed as easily as possible. That includes the drama presented by my own family, and I have since been able to build my own family around me. Now, I'm drama free. I cut it out with a sharp knife at the first hint of drama. I'm strong willed and determined to do things on my own.  I'm passionate, yet disconnected emotionally from most people. It's taken me years to build the walls around my heart, but very special people have the ability to walk right through it. I am me. I'm not afraid to be me.

I have dreams and goals, as much as anyone else.  I dream of going back to school someday and obtaining a PhD in Art History.  I'd like to put that to good use by being an Art History professor at UCLA someday.  I can often be found spending an afternoon at the Getty museum, wandering alone and looking at each piece as though it's the first time I've ever seen them.

I'm not certain if my face inspires trust and confidence, but I would certainly hope so since I try every day to be supportive, trustworthy and confident in all of my actions.

I see the world through different eyes.  Everything is magical and wonderful if we let it be.  There is beauty in every single square inch of the world if we know how to look at it.  It doesn't take a snow-topped mountain to inspire us.  It only takes our own perception of the world and everything around us at any given moment to know and understand how wonderful the world really is. 

I envy no one because I know that nobody else on earth will ever have that vision or passion that I have for the world around me.  With it, all things are possible.  All people are beautiful.  All life is magical.  All the world is enchanting.  Life is a fairy tale.

People naturally gravitate toward me for various reasons.  I'm a naturally kind and giving person.  The quickest way for anyone to ever break my heart is to call me selfish, because I go out of my way every single day I take a breath, to do something for someone I care about, be it a small gesture of appreciation or a gift of emotional value.  I've had my share of hard times (and in this world who hasn't?) but my faith in human nature remains.

I still believe that love exists.  I see evidence of it all around.  My integrity has, on rare occasion, been all that I had left.  I believe that through hard work all things are possible.  I believe in inspiration  and I believe in being loyal to those who deserve and earn it, and who are loyal in return.

I have no room or time in my life for hatred or lies.  Weakness has no place in my vocabulary and pain can always be worked through.  There is no such thing as 'insurmountable' pain. 

A smile is more important than eye color. A heart is more important than height.   I do hope to someday find my Prince Charming - the one man who is so much like me that we have an instant connection and never loose our instant bond.  I know he's out there.  I know he's waiting and looking for me, just as I am for him.  If I'm lucky, if I work hard, if I am patient and kind, someday he will find me.  At least, that's what I would like to believe.
 
Am I asking too much?

6 comments:

  1. I don't think it is. Not too much to ask at all.

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  2. It's not too much to ask. Unfortunately, we are all flawed so whoever you ultimately bond with for life will also be flawed. At times you may not even like that person you love so much. That person is out there though. Don"t give up?

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  3. Thank you Patric. I knew you'd agree. You've always been my best bud.

    Michael - I don't think I know how to give up. I'm too much of a romantic at heart. I love love. I love the idea of love and the hope it provides me with. I know there will always be hope, but that hope has faded from what it once was. I once believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that it would find me. Now, I only have hope. I can't let go of that.

    I'm all for flaws. Flaws are what make us human. I've had several negative comments on my blog lately reminding me of a few of my flaws, accusing me of flaws I don't have and pretty much attacking me in strange and unprovoked ways. Still, I will admit that I have MANY flaws. I expect the person I end up with (if that happens) to have some flaws as well... but there are a few I'll never put up with. Physical abuse is as bad as jealousy in my book. Both are damaging to a person in many ways. Those are my two biggest. There are some people out there who match those qualities - the last thing missing is that magical spark - that instant chemistry.

    I have that chemistry with someone now. It's a great feeling... but for right now it just is what it is... and nothing more.

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  4. It is good to know you still have goals and hopes and dreams of going to college and becoming an Art History Professor. I hope you never give up on those dreams and the sooner you get started on those dreams the better.

    It is almost impossible to make a great salary without a college diploma. And I know you are tired of struggling and skrimping to get by. The Los Angeles area is one of the most expensive areas to live in. If you don't want to ever have to depend upon a man or others to make it you will have to have more education to succeed. Very few make it big as models or actresses in Hollywood.
    As intelligent and as gifted as you are you could probably clep out of many of the tedious required college courses. If you could just get enrolled you would
    sail through so many classes.
    There are often special scholarships for single mothers. I believe you said you don't have custody but there might be ways around that.
    I do know there are all types of unconventional scholarships and grants (not loans) that are available especially in certain aeas of study. Because there is such a shortage of teachers and professors in this country, there are many colleges offering mature students (not youg kids) special programs to come to college.

    There are even colleges who pay you to come to college. You would just have to check into what types of programs are available. You are smart enough, and if you are determined enough you won't let anything stop you from going after what you really want. Aren't you growing weary of the struggle? That leads me to your Pirate Cat stories; I hope you are working toward doing something with your ideas with that project.

    You are far too gifted and talented to let those gifts go to waste and simply slip away from you while you are so busy having to find food, clothing and shelter.
    Please don't wait until life has passed you by and are left with regrets that you didn't fulfill your dreams and potential.

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  5. It will happen, it will, if anything believe that it is only a matter of time. It will slap you upside the head out of no where and you won't know what hit you, it will just be there, and if you ever have to ask yourself "is this it" then it probably isn't, cause when it does you will know for sure without any doubt, "this is my love, my life, my world"

    Bronson

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  6. You're a great and beautiful person.. you've already found love within yourself and this love will attract another.

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