Ok, ok... so I do believe in love. I just don't believe it will ever find me. Will it? I mean, I do deeply love... but can I be loved in return?
Recently a friend of mine told me that I seemed like a hard nut to crack - that they thought it would be hard for anyone to date someone like me because I don't put up with the 'red flags' and seem to have a lot of things I refuse to put up with... like broken promises, lies, manipulation and jealousy. I don't think I'm very different in that regard.
What makes you unique and human?
For me it's a multitude of things; patience, kindness, the ability to forgive, the inability to forget, the wisdom to know when it's time to let go. I dedicate a certain portion of my time and life to the GRACE Animal Rescue, helping wonderful critters find new homes. It's emotionally rewarding, watching a dog rescued from the streets of Hawthorne be adopted by a wonderful family in Palos Verdes or Beverly Hills. Somehow it renews my faith in the human race.
Like most women, I've had a lot of drama in my life. None of it was invited, and all of it was dismissed as easily as possible. That includes the drama presented by my own family, and I have since been able to build my own family around me. Now, I'm drama free. I cut it out with a sharp knife at the first hint of drama. I'm strong willed and determined to do things on my own. I'm passionate, yet disconnected emotionally from most people. It's taken me years to build the walls around my heart, but very special people have the ability to walk right through it. I am me. I'm not afraid to be me.
I have dreams and goals, as much as anyone else. I dream of going back to school someday and obtaining a PhD in Art History. I'd like to put that to good use by being an Art History professor at UCLA someday. I can often be found spending an afternoon at the Getty museum, wandering alone and looking at each piece as though it's the first time I've ever seen them.
I'm not certain if my face inspires trust and confidence, but I would certainly hope so since I try every day to be supportive, trustworthy and confident in all of my actions.
I see the world through different eyes. Everything is magical and wonderful if we let it be. There is beauty in every single square inch of the world if we know how to look at it. It doesn't take a snow-topped mountain to inspire us. It only takes our own perception of the world and everything around us at any given moment to know and understand how wonderful the world really is.
I envy no one because I know that nobody else on earth will ever have that vision or passion that I have for the world around me. With it, all things are possible. All people are beautiful. All life is magical. All the world is enchanting. Life is a fairy tale.
People naturally gravitate toward me for various reasons. I'm a naturally kind and giving person. The quickest way for anyone to ever break my heart is to call me selfish, because I go out of my way every single day I take a breath, to do something for someone I care about, be it a small gesture of appreciation or a gift of emotional value. I've had my share of hard times (and in this world who hasn't?) but my faith in human nature remains.
I still believe that love exists. I see evidence of it all around. My integrity has, on rare occasion, been all that I had left. I believe that through hard work all things are possible. I believe in inspiration and I believe in being loyal to those who deserve and earn it, and who are loyal in return.
I have no room or time in my life for hatred or lies. Weakness has no place in my vocabulary and pain can always be worked through. There is no such thing as 'insurmountable' pain.
A smile is more important than eye color. A heart is more important than height. I do hope to someday find my Prince Charming - the one man who is so much like me that we have an instant connection and never loose our instant bond. I know he's out there. I know he's waiting and looking for me, just as I am for him. If I'm lucky, if I work hard, if I am patient and kind, someday he will find me. At least, that's what I would like to believe.
Am I asking too much?