Deafening Silence

(ORIGINALLY POSTED IN 2006)

I've had a lot going on in my life lately, and to some people I may have dropped off the face of the earth. I go through this occasionally. I wouldnt really call it depression, but others might. Maybe its just a healing process I go through. I guess I can trace it back to my recent posting about personal isolation.

I go through these bouts of exhaustion induced by a mild form of insomnia. The insomnia is actually induced by sensitive ears, believe it or not. I cant sleep, even though I lie down and stare at the ceiling. I cant stand to have any noise, be it radio, television, or telephone, because suddenly my hearing is hypersensitive. I wake with the sunrise to the sound of birds chirping softly outside, sounding to me like a herd of cattle stampeding through a campground, around 5:30 in the morning and cant get back to sleep.

Often during these times I find myself at my most creative levels because theres nothing else for me to do. I used to write in my book while soaking in the bathtub, but the fan in my bathroom in this new apartment is too loud and completely unbearable to my suddenly sensitive ears. Even to brush my teeth I have to light a candle to see what Im doing. I cant stand that fan. I usually fall asleep to some sweet music on iTunes through my computer, but I cant stand that right now either. No matter how quiet it is, its just not quiet enough unless its off entirely. The television blasts my ears out on the lowest settings, and the phone ringing drives me up a wall and makes me want to smash it into a million pieces by throwing it as hard as I can from my third story window. The striking of the keys as I type this rub my last nerves until theyre bloody and raw. Even in the dead silence of the night I have a slight ringing in my right ear from an injury many years ago leaving me partially deafened in that ear. The ringing is maddening! Occasionally at night I put one hand on either side of my head and push them toward each other with all my might, wondering if it will eventually drive me out of my mind.

So for all of you dear friends Ive not talked to on the phone for so long, now you understand whats going on with me. I think its reflected in some of my artwork as of late, though even that has been a challenge since the pencil strokes on the paper have been loud enough to raise the dead lately, though Im touching the paper as lightly as a feather.

The following images are colored pencil art done by yours truly in a moment or two of madness. These are copywrited images and any use other than the one in which they are intended is strickly prohibited.