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The Lost Chapter

Posted Date: : Jun 29, 2006 2:09 P
A long lost section from my book...
A clearly strong emotion that I remember even now.

"Things are so hard right now. Last night I stood out on my balcony, where you would stand to smoke a cigarette. I watched the sun go down and thought about you. I could almost make out the steam as the sun finally touched the salty surface of the Pacific. The moon was soon to follow it off into the ocean. I sent my love to you on the bright side of the moon, so watch for it tonight. When it comes over that horizon, its going to have a heavy load its been carrying all night.

"The stars started to peek out one at a time, and I found myself doing something I've not done in a very long time. I recited a childhood poem about the first star of the night, and then I made a wish. I know I'm not suppose to tell my wish or it wont come true, but I'm positive you already know who and what it was about. It's been the only wish to cross my lips since last April.

"I was perfectly content to be alone for as long as it took to get myself on my feet. I've depended too long on others and decided to take a stand some time back. Just as I'm getting to where I want to be, here comes the most wonderful man I've ever met in my life and I'm completely swept off my feet.

"I didnt expect to ever feel like this. I had become cynical about love, emotion, and what could happen between a woman and a man. I didn't believe anyone when they said they loved me. In fact, when a man said that he loved me, often times that was when I decided I was tired of them and it was time to move on. I thought the words were a lie. That's mainly because of how many times in my life they have been clearly that very thing; a farce. It was used as a weapon against me. It would twist my heart to hurt me just as easily as some would twist an arm to hurt another.

"For the first time in too many years to remember, someone said it to me and I believed it. What's more, the emotion was completely mutual.

"I would give up so much to be able to spend one day a month with you. Two would be heaven. Three would be beyond paradise. I know in my heart that the way things stand right now, I'd be lucky to see you that often in a year's time. That's what makes this whole thing so hard. I've been perfectly happy to be alone. I welcomed it after the situations I've found myself in previously. Until I knew you, I didnt know what lonely was about. When I can't reach you, I feel like I can't breathe. Ive never felt so lonely in my life as I do when we don't talk. It's not that I can't live without you, because I have done so for a long time. The truth of the matter is that I dont want to have to.

I would give up so much just to be with you occasionally; to have you near me, and to not have to guess when the next time would be I would see the morning sun on your face.

I love you so much. I miss you terribly.

And I'll see you very soon.

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