Dear Mr. X

Dear [Mr X];

I have a confession.

I know that’s a really bad sentence to start a letter with, but at least the top doesn't say “Dear John”… That’s the ultimate bad sign.

No, it’s nothing bad. I’m not telling you that I’m refusing to ever see you again or something like that. I’m not dying of some incurable disease. I’m not contagious. I’m not moving out of state. I’m not married. I’m healthy, well, and wanting to be with you. I suppose that’s where the issue lies, if you happen to see it as an issue.

Things between us did progress so quickly. In fact, I’m afraid you really don’t know how quickly they DID progress. I have to write this letter out to you because I fear that as brave as I am, I lack the courage to tell you all of this to your face.

The first time I had a conversation with you, I felt a connection. The second time, I was hooked. I knew from then on that I really needed to get to know you. You’ve confessed the same thing – wanting desperately to get to know me. I did something out of the ordinary by meeting you that night… but not for anything in the world would I change that fact. That is why we are where we are today.

You told me that you were keeping me at arms length because you felt I was dangerous. I don’t exactly feel like you’re dangerous for me, but I confess that I have kept you at arms length as well… hard though that may be to believe. It’s an odd feeling for me… I was dating several different people when I met you, but suddenly stopped seeing everyone else. I had to be with you, again and again. Each time I was near you I could feel my heart begin to race, and I knew that we were in for a lot of fun and some very good times.

The reason I’ve been keeping you at arms length is because I feel very strongly for you, and quite a bit more strongly than I had planned to. Yes, there’s a connection there, but there is something more than that between us. There’s no reason I should feel about you what and how I feel right now. I haven’t known you that long. I don’t even know you that well yet. There are so many things I want to know… and yet…

Yes, I’ve been trying to kid myself out of it. I’ve been telling myself that it’s all my imagination and that I’m just swept up in the moment. At the same time, I know deep down that it’s true, so I keep you at arms length so the way I feel doesn’t become stronger. If ever you feel like I’m keeping my distance from you, it’s because at that moment I’m trying to deny to myself that I’m starting to fall in love with you.


You’re wonderful. I adore you! I couldn’t see spending my time with anyone else now that I’ve gotten to know you. I understand if you think that things are moving too fast. You’ve always been forward with me, and I want to extend to you the same courtesy. It’s only unfortunate that I’m too cowardly to tell you to your face. I’m terrified it will come out wrong and I wont clearly express myself. I’m great at public speeches when it comes to teaching or training, and I’m a fairly decent writer, but when I speak from the heart it comes out a jumbled mess.

Feel free to come to me with any questions, or you can always ignore this whole thing, but something tells me that you’re not the kind to pretend something hasn’t happened.

Whatever you decide, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’d be ok going on with life as usual, just so long as I know that I’ve been able to tell you how I feel somehow.

With warmest thoughts on a cold winter day,
Amanda.


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Written long, long ago...