March 1 2010
Though out my life I've heard it said many times that the third time is the charm. Mostly it has held true for me, as well as many others I have known.
For those who don't know, I was married twice. I was also divorced twice. I said once that I would never marry again unless I knew it would be for the rest of my life. I'm perfectly fine with that though, and actually called things off while engaged to a man because I knew it wouldn't be forever. He had doubts and so did I. That's not how a marriage should start. I also knew a deep, dark secret that nobody else knew. I wouldn't tell ANYONE until now.
In 2004 I was leaving a relationship that had gone sour. I was lonely, depressed and soured on men - so I thought. I had been told about a certain website through a friend of mine on Myspace. The site was called Hot or Not, and I was intrigued enough to try it out. More than anything I needed a reaffirmation that I was still a pretty girl. I know it sounds sad and maybe a little pathetic, but something happened because of that simple impulse. I met someone I was never able to forget.
There are many varying degrees of love. A person can love their friends, love the little girl down the road who likes to pick oranges on a warm day, love their parents, their own children, their spouse, and even their cats, dogs, and horses . It's even possible to have a favorite movie that we "love" more than the others.
I got to know and learned to love someone that I never otherwise would have gotten to know. Robert became very important to me almost overnight. He had a thick, rich accent I adored.
Robert was from the UK, Scotland to be exact. He was a true blue, honest Scotsman. We emailed back and forth, and he was the first person to introduce me to Skype that year. We talked for a long time, hoping to someday meet in person and I could hug his neck.
It took a while, but finally life got in the way and we lost contact. After all, Life is what happens when something else is planned, I've often said.
In te year 2006 something magical happened. Robert reappeared in my life like the pot of gold under the rainbow. He came at the most critical time, when I needed my dear friend the most. I loved him even more in a very short time. When I found out he would be in Florida that year, I did everything I could to get myself there at the same time. Oh how I wanted so desperately to meet this amazing man. I didn't realize how much I had loved him until he was gone from my life yet again. When we parted that time, I'm still not sure what happened. I never made it to Florida and a part of me died because of it. I had so wanted to meet him, to get to know him in person. After so many conversations late at night I felt so odd NOT knowing him in person.
Twice we had gotten to know one another. Twice we had loved, and twice we had lost. That was four years ago now. For four years I thought about Robert, wondered how and where he was. I guessed about a year ago that he had gotten married and was living happily ever after. After all, he and I had such parallels in our lives. I figured since I had ALMOST gotten married, surely he already had. I wished him nothing but the best, told myself that it was time I let go and stop caring about him and give up on the thought of ever meeting him.
A few months ago, he found me once more on Facebook. I almost didn't have a Facebook account at all, and here he was, waiting for me.
This is the year. This is OUR year. This is when we will finally meet, I will for the first time in my life make it over to the UK, and I will hug the neck of the man I've loved for the last six years, through time, distance, distraction and loss.
I will be with Robert this year, if only for a week sometime in August. I long to hug that neck, to kiss those lips, to tell him that I love him.
This is OUR year.
This is the third chance, and I'm going to make the most of it.
I'm going to dance in the rain ... the way it was meant to be from the beginning.
"You could find a new balance during this year. You will wonder about your intimate or family life, seeking to make your daily existence in conformity with your personal requirements. And undoubtedly you will arrive to a greater coherence, leaving social suitability there to devote you to origin : to find your rhythm clean. It is important above all to build a life framework to the measurement of your aspirations, a "sweet home" to last. On the private level, you play charts on tables with an astonishing sincerity, fleeing neither the possible complications nor discomfort of a situation in becoming. It is necessary for you to make be worth your personal options and say which you are really, in April and May, particularly. Events accelerate suddenly and place you in front of a new alternative, a choice to be made which can engage yourself in the long run. It is necessary for you to react, sometimes in an original or innovative way. This period is favourable with all radical transformations of your love and family life. From May and until the end of the year, be careful to those who try to block your desires! You will let nothing or nobody shake your convictions, preferring to break that to fold. Wheels of your love life escape to you temporarily, which carries out you to reinvent rules of the game. This year will be marked out strong moments in emotions, passion tracks you! Profit in without you letting invade, especially with regard to your choices."