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Reaching for Dreams

In December of 2009, a familiar name popped up on my fairly new Facebook profile. Without even looking at the name, I knew the face. I knew the eyes. It had been the hardest year of my life and I didn't think anything good could possibly happen to me anymore. Fear gripped me - fear that he would be angry that we had lost contact; fear that he would be married. I still loved the man and I couldn't imagine what gut wrenching pain I would feel to find out he ended up with all the happiness I had wished for him. Selfishly I wanted him to myself once more, even 6,000 miles away.

I didn't respond for a while. I was seeing someone at the time, but in a short amount of time that relationship began to dilute due to my stirring emotions towards Robert. I had just moved into my own place, a cute little loft apartment in Belmont Shore, and finally I wasn't afraid to show it off - but I still didn't talk to him much. I truly was afraid he wouldn't feel the same way I did. We talked a bit here and there in messages, but it was basic niceties for a while.

His daughter was 10, nearly 11 and had taken up drama and acting at school. She had played "Sandy" in the school production of "Grease" and the whole family had gone to see her. He was packing up his house, he said on December 6th, because he sold his place and got a bigger home. He said that he would be moving in on the 11th - and after so many years, he remembered that was my birthday.

He asked if I had been snapped up by a handsome man as yet and my heart lept up into my throat. He still thought about me. He might even still love me. Then again, he could be married.... I hesitated. I didn't respond for a while. I couldn't figure out what to say. I continued with the polite conversation for a while, but I was still terrified to tell him that I still felt the same way for him. In February of 2010 that all changed with one email I got from him.


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