Goodbye Friend

August 9 2009




There are certain people who come into our lives sporatically thoughout our existance. Sometimes we realize that we've known them before, such as in childhood, and others we know have always been there, even if not in body or element. Those are the friends we never forget and those we often miss the most. They've always been there for us because they love us. Even once they are no longer a part of our lives, they are still a large part of our life and who we have become. I had a 6th grade teacher who fit into that category.

David fit into the first category. We knew one another as kids and were madly in puppy love back then. I was his first kiss. I remember it the more I think about it. He realized it first, but once I had time to think about it, I realized he was right. He was the little boy at the skating rink that asked me to skate with him. What a handsome boy he was! I do remember he was a little clingy, though... almost overly affectionate for someone I had just met. He was actually the reason my Mom stopped letting us go skating I think. My brother told her I had a boyfriend if I remember correctly. It was so long ago now that it doesn't matter, but I was his first kiss anyway. We knew one another a year ago as well, but that's another story.

And then there's my friend I saw last night.

When things go to Hell, he's always been there. He's been there for the good times and the bad. For the sake of this piece of writing, we'll call him "B". Last night, I was having a terrible night, sick of life and everything in it, lonely out of my mind, tired of pain and torture, and needing human affection more than I ever had I think. All I did was send B a text message, and within a short time I got a response. He was not only there for me, but left a poker game with his Boys just to drive an hour to see me. We spent about 30 minutes together, and I left smiling from ear to ear. We couldn't spend too much time together... he had to get back to the poker game. As soon as I found out what he had left just to cheer me up, I felt selfish and silly, but he made me change my mind about that. I was important enough to him to make that kind of effort... and this after I've been so hard to reach for the past three years.

To my own credit, I've been a little occupied for the past three years, wrapped up in my personal life, not taking the time to get away with friends. Well, I've said it before, but I'll say it again... it's time. I really did need that time with B yesterday afternoon. It was not only enlightening as to my personal emotions about what's going on in my own life, but eye opening in other aspects as well. B is a brilliant person, warm and generous, compassionate and kind. Several times I've asked myself what I would do if I didn't know him. I know that I would be fine, don't get me wrong. I don't NEED anyone or anything to get by. I've proven that time and time again. But he's the kind of friend that reminds me of that, delighting in the fact that I'm independant and strong willed, encouraging me to be more so.

I met B through a mutual friend named Tom many, MANY years ago. That's the story anyway. What really happened was a Myspace glitch where a friend request was sent to him from me without my knowledge. We started talking because of it and the next thing I knew, I had this wonderful person in my life. Even when I've been my most distant from everyone, somehow I always knew he was there. He would always be there. All I had to do was reach out and say something.

Before last night, the last time I saw B was at my birthday party in 2007. Here it is a year and a half later and he drove an hour to visit with me, just so that he could make me a little happier than I had been. I had been aloof, not answering emails or text messages. Still, he hung in there. He tried getting a hold of me sporatically, knowing that eventually I would come around, as I always did.

Now we live down the street from one another. Though I'm not sure how long that's going to last, I'm certainly planning to make the best of it while I can. This is one of the good ones. Girls, if you ever fall for a guy like this and you're lucky enough to have him fall for you, I'd suggest bending over backwards to keep him around... and with B that would mean being yourself, being independant and being a good person.

B and I never fell for eachother, and I guess that's why it's such a good thing, this friendship we have. We understand one another, and yet we don't have messy emotions getting in the way. We get along famously, and he's never done anything but encourage me to be my best, and to do what is right for me. That's what a real friend does. They encourage you and support you emotionally without ever feeling the need to support you finantially. That's the difference between a dual gender friendship and a lovers relationship.

That's what I've been needing lately... someone to tell me that it will all be fine, I'm still a strong and independant person, and that I have great things ahead of me in life.

Thanks, B.
I wouldn't be the same without having known you.




(Sadly, he and I are no longer friends because I didn't have the time required to nurture our friendship. We lost contact some time ago and eventually too much time had gone by to try and fix what I had ultimately destroyed.)