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Happy Medium

Subject : A Happy Medium
Posted Date: : Jan 29, 2007 2:48 AM

There comes a time in everyone's life when we finally stand up and say "no more." I've reached that point.

As a kid, I was pushed around, stepped upon, and passed over too many times. I was shy and didn't stand up for myself, so people took advantage of me. I was pushed to the back of the line in everything. I was given the brunt of the work when working on group projects. I was teased mercilessly on the playground. I was shoved to the last desk in the back of the room – the one no other kid wanted because the last kid who sat there stank, smeared his nose- excrements on the underside of the desk, or had plastered the bottom of the desk with chewed gum.

When I hit my teen years, I finally blew up and became so angry at the world that I fought against anything and everything that threatened to hold me back from my desires in any way. This action caused a lot of animosity in my family that we have only recently gotten past. I was a run-away. I started fights in school – when I actually bothered to go. I was hell bent at doing it MY way and furious with the world when I wasn't allowed to do so.

Finally, about 6 1/2 years ago I died. Yes, I died during a surgery. That put things into perspective for me, but it took even a couple of years after that for me to calm my anger with the world.

I think I have a happy medium now.

When I'm upset with someone, I tell them so. I don't write them off completely as I would have 5 years ago. I don't plot revenge against them as I would have in my teen years. I don't even roll over and let them do it to me again as I would have in the formative years.

It's truly unfortunate, however – often when I try to let someone know how wounded I've been, I'm told that I'm crossing a border, I'm overreacting, or that I'm simply being silly or "talking rubbish" about the whole thing.

If they want to see silly, they should have seen me before I reached this point in my life. They should have seen me when I was obsessed with the book "Count of Monte Cristo" and the many ways in which to plot revenge, though it may take a lifetime to achieve.

I don't hold grudges.
I don't pass judgements.
I don't dismiss people that easily –
But I also don't let myself be taken advantage of any longer.

I'm happy with who I am and how I react to certain situations – calm, cool and collected. If those around me cant understand that or understand ME when I try to express myself, it's their loss.


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