Thursday, June 10, 2010

Letter to Michele

Private email from me to my friend and old boss...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Michele...
I hate to do this to you, but I have nowhere else to turn.

Day in and day out I wonder how I'm going to be able to pay for my gas, my insurance, and most importantly, my food. I scrape together everything I can to make ends meet, and when it comes right down to the wire, I've had to borrow money from friends, warning them in advance that I have no idea when I'll be able to pay it back. I'm going slowly into the hole.

I've had a couple of job offers that I've not told anyone inside the company about, because I didn't want anyone to question my loyalty to my job here. I love my job and as such, have turned down several offers of making more starting out than I am after almost a year at this company. As our mutual friend on the East Coast says, though, loyalties dont pay the bills.

It's been on my mind a lot, but I suppose the real breaking point for me was finding out that the new assistant was hired making more money than I am even now. My car is about to conk out on me - and then what? If I loose my car, I loose everything! I cant afford another one obviously. I would have no transportation to and from work. I would have absolutely nothing left. I'm sure we can both see where that would lead to.

I'm feeling lost, alone, depressed, and down right scared right now. We both know that I'm a pretty tuff girl with where I've been in my life. I really do need a feeling of stability at the moment, and that's something I dont have even after working here for 10 months. I dont cry often, and the issue has brought tears to my eyes this morning.

Something needs to be done, only I'm afraid nothing would be done even if it was brought to the company Presidents attention. We dont have an HR department for me to turn to, the Assistant Manager wouldn't care, our friend in Accounting wouldn't know what to do, and the Manager wouldn't want to cause waves with the President. It would be indecent of me to go straight to the President, skipping right over the heads of everyone else, but that leaves me standing here alone pulling my hair out by the roots and praying every night that I can pay my bills for "just another month". I cant survive on this, Michele. I have nowhere to turn; nowhere to go.

I need to feel stable, and I dont. At any minute my world could be yanked out from under me, and I've worked too hard to let that happen. If you have any suggestions, I would really appreciate it, but really all I needed to do was vent. I wanted to keep you up to date. I've always felt like I could come to you with anything, be it work related or not. You're a dear friend to me, and one of very few in my life. Thanks for always being there for me.

Amanda

No comments:

Post a Comment

Your comments will need to be moderated before posted, thank you.

Family Monsters

Familial Trafficking survivors are trafficked within their own homes and communities by those who should be there to care, love, and protect...