Before I had the job that I have now, I've never had to fire anyone. Now I've done it twice in the past 6 months. I've never had to yell or reprimand someone for not doing as they were asked - because they usually always did what I asked - until this job. It doesn't change the fact that I hate being the bad guy.
Even when I need to reprimand someone, I'm gentle about it when I should be more worried about getting the point across. I'm mothering and soft, wanting to avoid hurt feelings. Sometimes I'm too mothering and it gets in the way of teaching someone the right way to do something. I've really beat myself up over this at times when the consequences end up so severe that someone is wounded critically in their career.
Such was the case today.
I still hate being the bad guy, and in all things I'm an eternal optimist. When there seems to be no hope and the silver lining has fled every cloud in view, I search and reach, grasping for straws that might save another person - sometimes at the expense of my own career. I try to use my better judgement in these situations, but if the person I've defended or found a solution for lets me down, then my judgement is seen as skewed and not at all the caliber it should be at for the job and title that I currently hold.
How does one get their employees to do what is asked of them? How can I teach them loyalty and camaraderie while still being the boss I want to be - compassionate and kind, just and loyal to my own people? I have only one person left that was an employee at my place before I was promoted. Only one. I've been through many. Is the bleeding done yet?
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