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Mom's Mom

Subject : Family Death Last Friday
Posted Date: : Apr 30, 2007 5:32 PM
Family Death

On Friday, April 27th of 2007, a great woman passed peacefully in her sleep.

Though she passed peacefully and her family should all take comfort in that. Still, that doesn't take away that mild feeling of guilt.

My grandmother was a great woman. I've had many people tell me that, but I experienced her greatness first hand many times. I didn't need anyone telling me she was great. That was something I was born knowing.

She was born in the early 1900's and clearly remembers so many remarkable and historic events throughout the past century. She herself was in the history books as the first person to have tubes put in her ears. This remarkable experimental surgery saved her from complete deafness at a young age. She used to roller skate down stairs, my mother once told me. She made all of my mothers' school clothes. She raised three children and somehow was able to pull herself through after a stillborn child without help from anyone. She grew up to become this remarkable woman even after feeling for most of her life that her own mother didn't love her as much as the other siblings. NONE of these things are what made her so remarkable though.

If not for this amazing woman, so many things in this world would not be what they are now. But even with everything she was to everyone else, what she was to me was a best friend.

I have a very fond memory of her…

When I was 15 she came to visit for her birthday. I woke up early that morning and walked a couple of miles straight up a hill to the closest place that sold flowers. I hand carried the most expensive bouquet back for her that morning, and her huge heart refused to let her tell me that she didn't like flowers. Instead she cried because of how sweet the thought was. That's just the kind of woman she is. Correction - Was.

There was a time in my life when I had no friends but my grandmother. No matter how badly I screwed up in my own life, she always loved me and always let me know that she did.

That's where I'm left with such guilt.

These past couple of years I've been very hard to reach for most of my family members. Still, she sent me a birthday card and Christmas card every year. There was usually an Easter card, something around Thanksgiving, and every now an then, a "Thinking of You" card. I often found myself too busy to reciprocate. Still, even now I could go through one or two boxes in my home and find more than a handful of the cards she sent to me over the last couple of years. I saved them all.

When I moved to California, she asked me to come back. She wanted me to move in with her and help take care of her. I didn't do it even when I was at my least happy in California. Eventually I found my Pete and I've never been happier, but the guilt still tugs at my heart. I haven't seen her in too long. Even if I didn't go back to live with her, I should have seen her more.

I loved her. She knew that. She got my Christmas card this past winter. Yet I know that wasn't enough.

She was a very religious woman. Now she can finally have that conversation with God.

I'll miss the great woman.
She's the second greatest woman I've ever known in my life, surpassed singly by the only daughter she ever had– my own mother.

Rest in peace, Grandma.
I love you.

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